Like a giant trying to hold a human baby, New York City Mayor Bill de Blasio and his big, dumb hands dropped a helpless groundhog on February 2 (Groundhog's day). The poor hog died of internal injuries, and "then the coverup began," according to this New York Post exclusive.
It turns out that the groundhog, "Staten Island Chuck," was actually a "female impostor" named Charlotte. Charlotte died February 9 of "acute internal injuries," may she rest in peace. Here's the fall that killed her:
Why are we just hearing about this now? The Post reports:
Staten Island Zoo officials went to great lengths to hide the death from the public ... Instead of revealing the sad loss, the zoo—which gets nearly half of its $3.5 million in annual funding from the city—told the staff to keep the mayor's office in the dark about the animal's fate.
They told only a few zoo supporters — but claimed that the groundhog had died of natural causes.
How far does this thing go, huh? Assemblyman Matthew Titone (D-SI) seems to be in on it. "I was told he died of old age, that he went to that big farm in the sky," he said.
Sadly, if de Blasio remains in power, more groundhogs will likely die. "Zoo sources" told The Post, "The zoo plans to pull the same groundhog switcheroo next year by using the groundhog couple's young daughter—also named Charlotte—in the role of Chuck."