When it comes to naming a human child, the only hard and true rule the Baby Name Critic adheres to in her private name consultation business (email firstname.lastname@example.org for more info and rates) is that the child should be given an actual name, and not a name that is a pile of shit. It appears that Zoe Saldana, a Na'vi person, is yet another celebrity who has not heeded my timeless advice.
Saldana, with "artist" husband Marco Perego, gave birth in November to twin sons Cy and Bowie. After exhaustive research I have determined that these are not names, but weak attempts at cultural "coolness." "Cy" does not meet the required character count for an American name (three characters). When measured on the Baby Name Critic's Name Prententiousness Meter (a Christmas gift), "Bowie" scores a 92 (room for error if Saldana and Perego perhaps named their son after beautiful Bowie, Maryland).
Let it be said: Do not name your child after a rock star. Do not name your child after an actor or actress. Do not name your child after any celebrity. Celebrities are dumb, and this will cause your child to be dumb.
This has been Baby Name Critic.
[Pic via AP]