"Do the twist." Would that it were so easy. "Do the twist," says the recording. The simulacrum of sound. Deaf dumb and blind. A real human would know that you can't twist very well. Look at you.

The koan: "The Living Buddha & the Tubmaker"

Zen masters give personal guidance in a secluded room. No one enters while teacher and pupil are together.

Mokurai, the Zen master of Kennin temple in Kyoto, used ot enjoy talking with merchants and newspapermen as well as with his pupils. A certain tubmaker was almost illiterate. He would ask foolish questions of Mokurai, have tea, and then go away.

One day while the tubmaker was there Mokurai wished to give personal guidance to a disciple, so he asked the tubmaker to wait in another room.

"I understand you are a living Buddha," the man protested. "Even the stone Buddhas in the temple never refuse the numerous persons who come together before them. Why then should I be excluded?"

Mokurai had to go outside to see his disciple.

The enlightenment: Saying that Mokurai "had to" go outside is an exaggeration. It would be more accurate to say that Mokurai chose to go outside. Just cause some idiot clown asked him to for no good reason. I guess that's what makes a "Zen master"—taking marching orders from absolute morons.

Ok, cool religion...

This has been "Zen Koans Explained." Clean up and go.

[Photo: Shutterstock]