True story: I once—true story—knew a man who spoke to god. "God told me we're all just a tiny piece of dust on his shoe," the man said. True story. I was shocked!

The koan: "If You Love, Love Openly"

Twenty monks and one nun, who was named Eshun, were practicing meditation with a certain Zen master.

Eshun was very pretty even though her head was shaved and her dress plain. Several monks secretly fell in love with her. One of them wrote her a love letter, insisting upon a private meeting.

Eshun did not reply. The following day the master gave a lecture to the group, and when it was over, Eshun arose. Addressing the one who had written to her, she said: "If you really love me so much, come and embrace me now."

The enlightenment: "Uh... I don't know you, girl." The monk said. "Crazy ass bitch."

BAM! Eshun stood up and started reading out his sexts. "Thinkin bout u rn," she read. Loud as hell. "What u wearing rn?"

"That's enough girl, damn," said the monk. "Damn. Why you do that?"

Love is probably the answer.

This has been "Zen Koans Explained." Moonwalking on the moon... big deal.

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