Your Facial Hair Is Dismantling the Razor Industry
Procter & Gamble revealed Friday afternoon that one of their biggest financial challenges this year will be your disgusting, dirty face. Reanimating the lifeless corpse that is the word "hipster," the consumer company in charge of Colgate, Johnson & Johnson, and Gillette (among others), reported stagnating sales in their typically thriving "grooming market."
P&G's earnings have dropped 15.5 percent since this time last year, but a spokesman for the company says that the drop is not a point of concern. Instead, Jon Moeller, chief financial officer, offers areas for improvement: skin care, shampoo, and grooming. The rise of trendy facial hair, as chronicled here, and the popularity of Movember, a charity movement in November meant to increase awareness of prostate cancer by inexplicably growing mustaches, are the apparent culprits of declining profits.
Moeller claims that the sale of Gillette razors and shaving cream are down, as well as Braun electric razors. But he's not worried.
"While the incidence of facial shaving is somewhat down, the incidence of body shaving is up, and we can take advantage of that and plan to do that as well." Gentlemen, start your razors.