USA Today, the newspaper of choice for angel-believers, today notes that "some"—a mythical group that is much discussed, but never quite pinned down—believe that the current situation in Syria could be a fulfillment of Apocalyptic Bible Predictions, Vol. One. Who are these wise, insane prophets?

Syria is a Middle Eastern nation governed by a strongman dictator currently at war with his own people. Before that, Syria was a place mentioned in the Bible. Therefore, "some" people are convinced that the two are connected, because current events tend to be governed by ancient mythical books, as you know if you understand science. Just look at the evidence, via USA Today:

In recent weeks, some dire prophecies have turned up on websites, in book stores, as the subject of Bible studies and in sermons by some Christians and others who see a link between the old passages and modern-day events in Egypt, Libya and Syria.

"Behold, Damascus is about to be removed from being a city, and will become a fallen ruin," reads Isaiah 17, a passage some Christians say they believe details a horrific event that leaves the city uninhabitable and leads to worldwide tribulation and the second coming of Christ.

It's strange, because even though this newspaper reports that "some" Christians are "turning to ancient biblical writings to make sense of a modern, complex world," all of the actual Christians it quotes are quick to note that literal interpretations of the Bible are unhelpful, and can be detrimental to accurate understanding of current events. So who are these crazy fools?

Bible experts aren’t just sparring over whether the U.S. military should attack; they’re also going back-and-forth over theories surrounding the End Times (events surrounding Jesus Christ’s return).

Earlier this summer, TheBlaze began dissecting the subject, speaking with experts about what role, if any, they believe Syria will play in this theoretical occurrence.

Glenn Beck fans. Of course.

Fear not, humanity: all remains in equilibrium.

[Photo: Waiting for the Word/ Flickr]