On Tuesday, Kim Kardashian, Mother of the Great Unknowable North, got a handful of random babies wasted off the exotic elixir of fame when she allegedly sent their pictures out to a half-dozen friends, and said they were photos of her kid.
In a story titled "KIM KARDASHIAN BOGUS BABY!" TMZ reported that Kardashian intended to use the images to separate friends from fiends; if outlets began publishing the photos, she would know that someone in her circle had leaked them. It's an old celebrity trick. Andy Warhol used to do it. Always sending texts like out like "This is Kim and Kanye's baby DO NOT TWEET," to put his so-called friends on blast.
TMZ wrote that someone did attempt to sell them one of the shots: a little baby with a face like Kim and Kanye's baby might have, wearing a little white hat like Kim and Kanye's baby might wear. They also published a second fake photo, this one of an infant all swaddled in a fuzzy baby blanket. It's not clear how TMZ got these photos if they didn't pay for them. Did Kim forward TMZ the pictures herself (subj: EXCLUSIVE PHOTOS NOT OF MY BABY) and ask for their cooperation in Operation: Abandon Friend-Ship?
In any event, the real question here: Who are these déclassé babies? How did Kim Kardashian acquire these cell phone photos of them? Did Kanye creep up to the nursery and surreptitiously snap photos of any baby that did not have a visible penis? Did he mill about the halls of the Cedars-Sinai maternity ward offering new dads $10,000 for their SIM cards? Did Kim Google Image search "unfamous baby" and when Google suggested "infamous baby" was she like "NO, OPPOSITE OF THAT!"? Does it really matter if these babies aren't North Kardashian, since all newborns look virtually identical and any baby can be North Kardashian if you squint hard enough?
What's your story, babies?
[Image via Getty]
To contact the author of this post, email email@example.com.