Where Are They Hiding Donald Trump's Phone?
Earlier today, we noticed that Donald Trump had gone uncharacteristically silent on Twitter, a phenomenon that just so happened to coincide with the hiring of his new communications adviser. Now, though, Donald Trump’s Twitter account is back and tweeting up a storm. No one tell Donald Trump.
Judging by the four original tweets that have appeared since Trump went dark, someone from his new team has grabbed hold of the reins. Because not only were they sent from a browser (Trump’s prior tweets have almost all been sent from mobile devices), but they’re just a little too coherent to be pure, unadulterated Trump.
Hillary Clinton’s Presidency would be catastrophic for— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) June 28, 2016
the future of our country. She is ill-fit with bad judgment.
Imagine Donald Trump saying the words “she is ill-fit with bad judgement.” You can’t. This is our brave new world of generic, off-brand Trump Twitter.
Benghazi is just another Hillary Clinton failure. It just— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) June 28, 2016
never seems to work the way it's supposed to with Clinton.
Here, the tweet is far too emotionally manipulative and complex to have come from Trump’s own furious baby fingers. Saying that it “never seems to work the way it’s supposed to” is a performance of sadness. The Trump we know instead just tells you: “Sad!”
We must do everything possible to keep this horrible terrorism outside the United States.— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) June 28, 2016
In the tweet above, Trump speaks of “terrorism” in the abstract, which obscures who he’s actually talking about.
And last but perhaps most damning of all:
Yet another terrorist attack, this time in Turkey. Will— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) June 28, 2016
the world ever realize what is going on? So sad.
Buddy. Our furious, red-faced presumptive Republican nominee is not “so sad.” Donald Trump is “sad!” Or “very sad!” Or in the most dire of circumstances, “SAD!” So while @RealDonaldTrump may be back, the real Donald Trump is more likely in a room somewhere, tearing up golden couch cushions and screaming at aides to help him find his phone.
Meanwhile, his new communications adviser Jason Miller whistles casually in the corner. “You try calling it yet, Donald? Maybe you should try calling it.”