“WWE Chairman Vince McMahon, held by ‘Stone Cold’ Steve Austin, prepares to have his hair cut off by Donald Trump.” Photo: AP

According to Bloomberg, Donald Trump doesn’t plan to announce his vice presidential pick until Friday, but the presumptive Republican nominee strongly hinted that both Jason Bourne and John Wick are in the running on Tuesday, telling The Wall Street Journal he’s looking for a “fighter skilled in hand-to-hand combat.”

In a phone interview with the Journal, Trump reportedly indicated he wanted an attack dog on the campaign trail, saying, “I’m getting attacked from all sides”:

Having a staunch critic of the Democratic ticket would give Mr. Trump room to show he can be presidential, said one person familiar with the situation, rather than attacking his rivals as he did during the primaries.

That plays to the strengths of Messrs. Christie and Gingrich, feisty and combative politicians that Mr. Trump called “two extraordinary warriors.” Saying that personal chemistry is also important, Mr. Trump said, “You either have it or you don’t. I clearly have it with Chris and Newt.”

Ah, yes, Chris Christie and Newt Gingrich, two extraordinary warriors whose arrival was foretold by ancient prophets. Christie, Trump’s undead thrall, cursed to eternally pursue his master’s sinister desires. Gingrich, a primeval astro-barbarian fearless of even his new, orange god.

Of course, there can only be one.