In today’s New York Times, mustache ambassador Tom Friedman has a new column about how Donald Trump connects with voters’ guts. Don’t worry, I’ll spare you! More importantly, Friedman used his column to inadvertently invent an entirely new card game.

Midway through the column, Friedman writes:

But even if his support is weakening, Democrats take Trump lightly at their peril. He is still sitting with three aces that he hasn’t played yet. They could all come out in the general election.

See if you can keep track of this. Donald Trump has a hand. In his hand is three aces, which he has yet to play. But also:

But Trump is also holding two jokers with those aces. One of the lessons I learned covering the Middle East is that the only good thing about extremists is that they don’t know when to stop — and in the end, they often do themselves in. See: Saddam Hussein.

Donald Trump has not only three aces... but also two jokers? That sounds like a really good hand, in this game that Tom Friedman doesn’t specify, and must have invented, because what the fuck is he even talking about.

Tom Friedman makes more money per year than your entire family combined.

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