Tinder is bad and dead, but if you're still using it, I pray to God that you're under the age of 28, because the upcoming "premium" version of the world's most futile app is going to cost a lot more if you're in your older, dried up years.

Given that those of us 28 and over are the ones who most desperately need the help of an algorithm and GPS to find another single human, this makes perfect sense, in a diabolical, Uber surge pricing sort of way: UK's Evening Standard says you'll be punished for your age on Tinder:

The dating app's new premium paid-for service is called Tinder Plus. It offers users the ability to find partners in foreign countries, unlimited right-swipes, or likes, and a rewind button to recover mistaken swipes.

Users under the age of 28 who want the extra functions will be charged £3.99 a month, and those over 28 will pay £14.99. The app will remain free, though non-paying users will no longer be able to make unlimited right-swipes.

Emphasis added. Based on current exchange rates, that's about $6 per month ($72 per year) spent on Tinder if you're still in your sexual prime, or a staggering $23 per month if you're a part of The Greatest Generation. If you're over 28 and spending almost $300 per year on Tinder, a few things have gone very wrong in your life, and you should desist immediately. Granted, pricing could be adjusted for non-UK markets, but it still seems like it'll cost around what an HBO subscription would set you back, which is really what any potential mate wants.

The bottom line is this: don't ever pay more than $0 for Tinder, you dummy.

Image via TechCrunch

Contact the author at biddle@gawker.com.
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