These horrible Fundamentalist Christian comics turned up in my kids' treat bags last night. We've got the English and Spanish editions of The Beast and The Devil's Night, along with an extremely dubious off-brand "Luvpop" all within a factory-sealed plastic bag. What kind of horrible treats were hiding in your bag?

The tract booklets, by iconic California crank Jack Chick, explain how Halloween is a secret plot by The Devil, and how barcodes are the "mark of the beast" described in the New Testament's weirdest fever dream, the Book of Revelation (which is actually a political commentary from 95 AD about the Roman Empire).

Giving Chick tracts as "treats" in San Francisco is like a libertarian running against Nancy Pelosi: ridiculous and sad. Also, nobody wears devil costumes or even ghost costumes. If Jack Chick can maybe update some of these books and connect current fads with The Devil—Minecraft, etc.—maybe the kids would at least read them, rather than immediately tossing them in the recycling bin, which is where I found them this morning.