“I’ve been wanting to drop the hassle from my life for years,” someone once said. “Now, it’s official.” That someone? David Hoff. Hasselhoff, hassle-free. Free to be: you (David, a.k.a. “The Hoff”) and me.

Where is David? Ibiza. Not really. The theater: the stage. What’s in a name? that which we call a rose / by any other name would smell as sweet / so Hasselhoff would, were he not Hasselhoff call’d.

An actor. A man of words and letters. (Fewer letters now, than before.) Earlier: an actor in television shows. Today: an actor in a play. A play! In England! Shakespeare? No. A play about—Ibiza.

But why? Why? “I wanted to do a story set the 80s and 90s Ibiza, and I thought about what it was like for us to party in the 80s when it wasn’t dangerous and how it changed in to something more. So I did this theme where my daughter comes to visit me and she thinks all I want to do is party.”

Ah, ha! The 80s and 90s. David “The Hoff” Hoff.

Contact the author of this post: brendan.oconnor@gawker.com.