Predictions about financial markets are, almost without exception, notoriously wrong and worthless. With that caveat: we have our first respectable major DOOM prediction of 2016!

Are there good reasons to be panicky about global financial markets right now? Absolutely! Oil prices are cratering to unbelievable lows, China’s growth that’s been propelling the whole world is slowing down, the bull market in U.S. stocks has been going on so long that everyone expects it to end at any moment, the Fed is raising interest rates, and, ah, something bad is also happening with junk bonds. What will all of these factors mean for the overall world economy?

I have no fucking idea. Fortunately, there are many highly paid experts who also have no fucking idea. But this is the real world, my friends, and clients with assets demand confident forecasts, and the Royal Bank of Scotland has decided to “go big” in the forecast arena this year by telling its clients: Grab your money and run, because everything will be going to shit very soon.

RBS is telling its clients that the coming year could be similar to the DEATH YEAR of 2008, and that we can expect a 10-20% decline in the stock market, and that we can expect a bad year in the following markets: China, emerging markets, oil, commodities, debt, and currency.


Oh and also “Automation on its way to destroy 30-50% of all jobs in developed world.”

Their advice: “Sell (mostly) everything.”

Our advice: “If you’re gonna rob a bank maybe try the Royal Bank of Scotland, sounds like they’re socking away a lot of cash in there.”

Who knows what the new year will bring?

[Image via RBS]