[There was a video here]

Vivid released child-bride-turned-adult-performer Courtney Stodden’s “unique” masturbation video—now titled “Courtney Uncovered’—today, ahead of schedule. And what’s so unique about it? Oh, just Courtney melting an ice cream cone between her immense fake breasts.

The former aspiring country singer was reportedly paid $1 million for the tape, which she said she would donate to a charity for “kids with cancer,” but rumor has it she actually got the same $10,000-plus-back-end deal that Vivid gave Backdoor Teen Mom Farrah Abraham back in 2013.

Also like Farrah—whose sex tape debut was the most popular Gawker post of 2014, even though it was posted the year before—Courtney has disguised her commercial video as a rill homemade recording (presumably for her much-older husband, Doug Hutchison). She talks to the camera throughout, even while applying ice cream and (as a fake Morgan Freeman once put it) titty sprinkles to her naked body.

The full video is, inexplicably, 75 minutes long, and being sold as a package deal with the now-depreciated sex tapes of semi-celebrities past. In a sense, one of the charities Courtney is donating to is Farrah Abraham, who presumably still gets royalties from her two Vivid videos.