“Sales of smartwatches and fitness trackers could outpace those of traditional watches by 2020, according to data from research firm Mintel.” Yeah right.

First of all “smartwatches” are for nerds who can’t get laid.

Second of all regular watches are beloved by assholes.

Do you think there are more nerds in this world than assholes?

Do you think there are more people who don’t want to get laid than want to get laid?

Dream on. Guess nerds aren’t as good at math as they say.

You see the size of my Breitling? It’s huge sonny. I can barely lift my hand. That’s okay. I guess it’s so heavy because it is made of PUSSY MAGNETS. Tell that to your survey—nerds.

My Breitling is so many fucking millimeters wide.

[You know who wears Breitlings? John fuckin Travolta. You wanna be a pussy magnet, you start there, kid. Not on a fuckin computer: Flickr]