This week, Ted Cruz participated in an US Weekly “25 Things You Don’t Know About Me” survey befitting his distinguished status as a presidential candidate. It’s no secret Cruz is a bit of a weird guy—he brags about knowing the Princess Bride by heart and terrorizes his wife by randomly breaking into song—but the facts he just revealed about his eating habits are, frankly, disgusting.
For example—his favorite food is cheese and he hates avocado and likes to horrify his vegetarian in-laws with stories of pig roasts. And he fucking loves soup:
“When I’m away from the family, in Washington, D.C., my dinner is a can of soup. I have dozens in the pantry.”
Just picture it: Ted Cruz, sitting alone in a dark room, eating soup straight out of the can, just like he does every night.
“This is my best life,” he exclaims with conviction to the lamp, refreshing his inbox in case tonight’s the night Wallace Shawn finally responds to his fan mail. (It’s not.)