Jesse Jackson To Threaten Obama's "Nuts" Tonight On Fox News

Pareene · 07/09/08 04:13PM

Oh hey look everyone, Jesse Jackson said terrible things about Barack Obama while a microphone was on, and now, oddly, Fox News has this tape! Sean Hannity talked about it on the radio today, and Bill O'Reilly will be playing the tape tonight, on his show. OMG they are creaming themselves. Drudge already has the apology and no one has heard the tape yet! Reportedly, the Reverend is upset that Obama "talks down to black people on matters of faith," and then, more colorfully, he says he wants to rip Obama's nuts off. Maybe? "Hannity would not say 'nuts,' but based on his description (portion of the male anatomy beginning with an 'n') I believe that's the word he was going for." So this is basically great news for everyone!

Can 'Stars And Stripes' Recover From Pentagon Idiocy?

Choire · 12/28/07 12:20PM

The Stars and Stripes, also known in the Army as the "Stars and Lies," is in a losing fight for their credibility with their owners, the Department of Defense. Man, every newspaper complains about their owner—but at least yours probably doesn't have the title "deputy assistant secretary of defense" on her door. That's gotta be a treat. The paper's beef is that money from the government's ham-handed "America Supports You" propaganda campaign has been administered by the paper's business department. The result? "Kuwait Gets Blizzard of Holiday Cheer"! "Vet Receives Hero's Welcome, New Home"! The "America Supports You" website is like a real-world "The Onion" but with actual agony. What the Department of Defense refuses to understand is that the paper is already distrusted—solely because of its government ownership. Having it mixed up with programs like "Operation Straight Up," the Stephen Baldwin-starring Christian crusade that distributed to soldiers videogames about killing U.N. troops in a post-Rapture New York City? Not helping!

'Peanuts' Creator Sometimes Blue! Family Mortified!

Choire · 10/09/07 08:40AM

The family of Charles M. Schulz is totally pissed over a new biography about the Peanuts creator. They should be! It contains shocking revelations such as that the cartoonist felt "melancholy." Also, the work is plagued with errors, they say, "including a mention of a housekeeper serving dinner after she no longer worked for the family"! Christ, it's like the 1950s just drove a Model T into the 21st Century and everyone inside it was like "What is wrong with this society!?" It's a fine question they're asking but maybe they should have left the house in the last two decades? Maybe they could have stopped in their time travel and had lunch with Ted Hughes in the 70s!

'Nuts' Tries to Sex Up Circ Figures

Chris Mohney · 08/24/06 04:10PM

If you find American men's magazines just a bit too cerebral and priggish, then you might be more suited to the origin of the species — British lad mags. And we're not talking about egghead pansy books like FHM, with its occasional insistence on words and other stupid stuff. Rather, you should turn to perennially squabbling and virtually indistinguishable rivals Nuts and Zoo, which pump out the wank fodder on a weekly basis rather than monthly. As an example of the level we're talking about here, check out this clip sent to press buyers, where cover creature Kayleigh Pearson woodenly delivers a manifesto about Nuts' superior circulation numbers while gradually disrobing. Painfully embarrassing, and vice versa.