Brain-Damaged Americans Hate Sex, Love Football

Hamilton Nolan · 09/17/10 02:37PM

Superbugs! Libido lack! Depressed students! Football brain! Dumb food docs! Marines with cancer! Whooping cough! Headline minds! It's your Friday Health Watch, where we watch your health—as best we can, through the fog of concussion!

Health Food of the Future: Less Salty Wieners

Hamilton Nolan · 06/16/10 09:48AM

Oooo, it's almost time for a brand new Government Food Pyramid! A panel of nutrition experts issued new Dietary Guidelines yesterday for Americans to ignore. The only ones paying attention: Kraft Foods Inc., your friendly corporate diet overlord.

Salt Is the New Sugar/Fat/Corn Syrup/Carbs/Gluten

Adrian Chen · 05/30/10 03:11PM

You know what? Fuck all ingredients. They're nothing but trouble. Take salt: Everyone hates salt now that the war on carbs and fat and sugar have been won. When will someone come up with an ingredient-less food product!? [NYT]

Kate Moss, Lily Allen, and The Rock Chick Diet

Foster Kamer · 08/08/09 06:15PM

Want to know how awesome starlets Lily Allen and Kate Moss stay in shape? This isn't a joke about blowcaine! You can do it, too. Kate and Lily took the most awesome Rock Chick vacay ev-ah and looked awesome. How?

Parents Make Kids Eat Health Food Till They Die!

Hamilton Nolan · 02/26/09 09:35AM

It's Thursday—the day when the New York Times Style section constructs tenuous trend stories designed to infuriate us about largely illusory issues! Woo hoo! Today's trend: crazy parents turn their kids into health food zombies!

VitaminWater Lawsuit Threatens Corporate Pseudoscience Rights

Hamilton Nolan · 01/16/09 10:08AM

In lieu of national health insurance coverage, America offers easy access to VitaminWater. If you're ailing, simply drink the proper dye-and-micronutrient-containing beverage, and you're good! But now some liberal "public interest" lawsuit threatens it all: