Science Watch: A "Web" of Deceit

Hamilton Nolan · 05/08/15 02:05PM

Healthy eats! Echo ears! Thunder pictures! Alien sounds! Head-volution! Space geysers! Spider silk! And statistics that some might call stunning! It’s your Friday Science Watch, where we watch science—with X-Ray Vision!

Just Drink Water

Hamilton Nolan · 03/11/15 11:18AM

A new study of America's woefully inadequate parents finds that many of you have mistaken beliefs about nutrition that will—in all likelihood—one day kill your kids. Allow us to help you with a useful public health guideline.

Milk to Get Worse

Dayna Evans · 03/05/15 11:50AM

When you think of liquids that you'd like to guzzle, does milk make it into your top ten? How about top fifty? Would you like to strike gallons of milk from grocery store shelves and watch as they bleed out into oblivion? Sure you would. Skrrtt—but wait a sec. What if I told you milk could taste like marshmallow Peeps?

The Basic Inescapability of Fast Food for Kids

Hamilton Nolan · 11/05/13 10:48AM

The fast food industry cares about the health of your kids. That's why the fast food industry is self-regulating when it comes to marketing their meat-poison to children. And self-regulation always works. That's why kids are still eating tons of fast food.

Kids of the Future Will Be Denied Sweet Taco Bell Memories

Hamilton Nolan · 07/23/13 08:37AM

There are some things that make you reminisce wistfully on your own childhood and realize, "yeah, things were better back then." Like today's so-called "music." Or today's so-called "fashion." Or when Taco Bell announces they're ending their kids meals.

Can You Eat Your Own Poop?

Hamilton Nolan · 02/21/13 10:25AM

Hello, it is time for "Hey, Science," our nauseatingly scientific weekly feature in which we have your most provocative scientific questions answered by real live scientists (or related experts). No question is too smart for us to tackle, which will be our downfall. This week, medical experts answer the question: Can you eat your own poop?

The Choice of a Fast Food Restaurant Is a Very Meaningful Choice

Hamilton Nolan · 10/11/12 03:15PM

Fast food restaurants: do you think they're "all the same?" Sure, and I guess human beings are "all the same" too, right? That's what Hitler thought, as well. For the rest of you, who know better, America's fast food establishments beseech you to take into considerations all the important factors relevant to your choice of a casual dining establishment. Once you purchase that McGriddle, there's no going back for a Croissanwich. This choice is forever.

What Kind of Crap Should Be in School Vending Machines?

Hamilton Nolan · 02/21/12 12:05PM

Are school vending machines causing obesity amongst America's youth? Haha, haha, yeah right. Eating one dozen Cadbury "Creme" eggs in the closet at midnight while typing furiously on Twitter is causing obesity amongst America's youth. Still, every little calorie saved helps, when it comes to our corn-syrup-addicted children. The government is setting new guidelines for what can be in school vending machines. What (vending machine) food should be put on (the kids in) our families (in school)?

A Guide to Workout Supplements That Probably Won't Kill You

Hamilton Nolan · 02/03/12 03:41PM

The US Army has launched an investigation into workout supplements after two soldiers fell down and died from heart attacks after taking pre-workout boosters like Jack3d and OxyElite Pro, which contain DMAA, a no good very bad/ perfectly safe amphetamine that either gives you heart attacks or is totally innocuous, depending on who you ask.

Fear of Jogging Proves Greater than Love of Soda

Hamilton Nolan · 12/16/11 03:15PM

For years, nay, decades, public health scolds have tried and tried to politely inform the American people that drinking gallon upon gallon of Fanta cola in lieu of water could have negative health effects, including but not limited to the fact that we as a nation are now enormous. But! Now, public health advocates have learned to tap into that most primal fear of Americans: fear of exercise.

Here's What Happens When You Try to Get Out of Patti Stanger's Diet Scam

Seth Abramovitch · 10/13/11 09:37PM

Romance-defiling reality hag Patti Stanger has been shilling hard for Sensa — "the weight-loss system" you "sprinkle on your food" (active ingredient: 100% horseshit) — on commercials that run during her Bravo reality show, Millionaire Matchmaker. Well, a reader who gave Sensa a shot wrote in to share her experiences with the miracle product, and we thought we would in turn share them with you.

Denmark's Fatty Foods Tax is in Effect

Seth Abramovitch · 10/04/11 01:48AM

As of Saturday, the Danish government is charging a surtax of 16 kroners per kilogram ($6.27 per pound) of saturated fat in high-cholesterol grocery items. That's almost a whole kroner per danish! The goal's to curb heart disease, not obesity.

How to Make Fried 'Bubblegum,' the Latest Texas Treat

Lauri Apple · 09/06/11 03:30AM

Organizers of the State Fair of Texas have just announced the winners of the Big Tex Choice Awards—the annual cooking deep-frying contest for fair concessionaires—and for the "most creative" dish they chose Fried Bubblegum. Which doesn't have any gum in it. Creative! Also: what?

Immature Carrot Peeling Contest

Christopher Han · 11/14/10 10:00PM

Two guys and a redhead girl have a bright idea for a video. It's a porn with carrots. Making cole slaw has never been this fun. Come on, guys, Grow up!

These Are the Halloween Candies That Will Make You Fat

Brian Moylan · 10/26/10 11:49AM

You may be too old for trick-or-treating, but there'll still be ample treats around the office and at the parties you attend this Halloween. Here's the candy to avoid if you want to fit into your costume again next year.

These Are the Beers That Won't Make You Fat

Brian Moylan · 10/20/10 12:08PM

For anyone who wants to have a few drinks without getting too messed up, beer is always a good choice. But the calories! And the beer belly! Fret no more. Here are the healthiest brews. The winner will surprise you.