Hamilton Nolan · 05/25/16 07:58AM

A low point of the American experiment.

New Jersey Man Has Big Idea for NYC: Bring Back Stop and Frisk

Jason Parham · 09/08/15 09:48AM

Chris Christie, the New Jersey governor who wants to be president of the United States but won’t, appeared on MSNBC’s Morning Joe Tuesday. When asked how he would manage New York City if he were mayor, Christie said “Stop and Frisk would be back in about five minutes.” Luckily for us, he is not mayor of New York City.

LIRR Service Is All Fucked Up, As Revelation Foretold 

Kelly Conaboy · 09/02/15 10:02AM

For 90 minutes this morning, Long Island Rail Road service was suspended coming into and going out of Penn Station due to “signal trouble.” For 90 minutes this morning, LIRR riders inundated the E, 7, and 2/3 subway lines, as the MTA cross-honored their LIRR fares. For 90 minutes this morning, Satan was released from his prison, deceiving the nations in the four corners of the earth—LIRR and MTA—to gather them for battle.

Louie the Clown Spent 10 Creepy Years in a Sex Offender's House 

Aleksander Chan · 02/20/15 08:23AM

Louie, the famed organ-playing clown from Wichita's now defunct Joyland Amusement Park has returned after missing for 10 years. He was found in the home of Damian Mayes, a former employee of the park who used to repair Louie's organ—and a convicted sex offender. "It is a great feeling we finally have found it (Louie)," Margaret Nelson Spear, one of Joyland's former owners, told the Wichita Eagle. "…It is a big relief. We are pleased."

Please Stop (With These Fashionable Dicks)

Jason Parham · 01/22/15 03:25PM

Rick Owens's new Fall/Winter line is all dick and no style. This morning, during his Paris runway show, the famed designer revealed his latest men's collection. Small penises made an appearance.

Couple Has Baffling On-Purpose Wedding in NYC Subway

Kelly Conaboy · 11/29/14 04:00PM

What is your second-biggest subway-related fear, assuming your number one fear is being pushed in front of an oncoming train? Take a minute. Is it suddenly finding yourself in a wedding gown, getting married on the N train in front of grumpy strangers on their ways to and from work, like a horrible nightmare from which you cannot awake?

Why Are These Rich Tech Companies Asking Us Commoners to Stop Ebola?

Leah Finnegan · 11/11/14 01:09PM

Facebook and Google, multi-billion dollar corporations that mine your private data for money, are apparently very concerned about the Ebola virus, because they are "socially active" companies. So they are asking—nay, guilting—their users for money to "help" "stop" and "fight" Ebola.

Family Flees 6,000 Deadly Spiders "Bleeding Out of the Walls" of Home

Kelly Conaboy · 10/10/14 09:07AM

Spiders falling from the ceiling. Spiders behind every mini blind. Spiders in the fireplace. Spiders "bleeding out of the walls." A family in Missouri finally had enough of this nightmare and vacated the home they were sharing with 6,000 brown recluse spiders—but will the spiders ever leave?

The Owlman Will Scare the Living Shit Out of You

Aleksander Chan · 06/04/14 02:20PM

As far as pranks go, having a man dressed up as a terrifying owl monster creep up on people scoping out an abandoned children's hospital is pretty good. What a great way to get some laughs out of people screaming for their lives because they thought they were going to be devoured by a monster. Just hilarious!

Norwegian Artist Eats Own Hip, Says It Tastes Like "Wild Sheep"

Kelly Conaboy · 05/25/14 09:20AM

After convincing doctors to let him keep the bone removed during his hip replacement operation, a Norwegian conceptual artist boiled it on "a whim" and then ate the flesh with potato gratin and a glass of wine. He claims the meat tasted like "wild sheep." Oh!