LIRR Service Is All Fucked Up, As Revelation Foretold 

Kelly Conaboy · 09/02/15 10:02AM

For 90 minutes this morning, Long Island Rail Road service was suspended coming into and going out of Penn Station due to “signal trouble.” For 90 minutes this morning, LIRR riders inundated the E, 7, and 2/3 subway lines, as the MTA cross-honored their LIRR fares. For 90 minutes this morning, Satan was released from his prison, deceiving the nations in the four corners of the earth—LIRR and MTA—to gather them for battle.

Cobra's Severed Head Awakes From the Dead to Kill Chinese Chef

Allie Jones · 08/26/14 02:27PM

Here is a nightmare that is also real: The severed head of a cobra snake reportedly jumped out of the kitchen trash in a restaurant and killed the chef who was preparing its body as a meal. The chef, Peng Chen, had removed the head from the Indochinese spitting cobra a full 20 minutes before it bit him. One diner told the Daily Mirror, "We ... could hear screams coming from the kitchen."