Dan Thorn, an anchor at West Virginia's 59 News, has released the white-news-anchorest possible music video for "Where They at Doe?"—not so much a T.I. track as a Bobby Shmurda remix of the time Floyd Mayweather claimed he'd given T.I. two black eyes, and the rapper showed his face on video to ask "Where they at, though?"
People's Most Beautiful Person of 2014 is Oscar winner Lupita Nyong'o, unfortunately for news anchors around the U.S., who have no idea how to pronounce her last name. Jimmy Kimmel didn't even need to trick anyone to get this montage of stuttering local newsreaders.
You probably know that CNN completely and utterly blew it today, in the most embarrassing way possible, by reporting not "what happened" but, actually, the exact opposite. But did you know that it's all the fault of a super-hot news-babe? BuzzFeed's Michael Hastings explains in his piece about how stupid everyone at CNN is feeling:
Snooki made her debut as a news anchor today on some AOL site that hasn't yet been renamed "HuffPost [Subject]." And while we're still deciding if the Jersey Shore star has a knack for reportage, she's definitely got a fan in Anderson Cooper, who spent a few minutes on tonight's AC360 fawning over his "little cutie Couric." Video of the segment is above.
Watch this bloody brilliant collection of stuffy British newscasters getting right gobsmacked on the BBC. Pip pip cheerio!
WHDH Boston's Pete Bouchard was discussing the total amount of snowfall (in inches) during a broadcast and he made quite a startling comparison. We'll let you figure it out on your own.
And we all thought that the morning news team with the wackiest antics was over at NBC. Clips like these are the real reasons to wake up in the morning.
Finally, we understand why Mika Brzezinski constantly looks crazed and upset: because Joe Scarborough gets his kicks from constantly humiliating and belittling his co-host.
If you think the banality of broadcast news is unbearable, good news: this narcoleptic news anchor agrees with you!
New York magazine hints around at Shepherd Smith's gayness as best it can in a Q&A today with the Fox anchor. What's hanging above his couch? "Nothing, nobody," Smith answers. And the last Broadway show he saw? The magazine's 2005 profile of CNN anchor Anderson Cooper carried some heavy subtext as well. "Cooper couldn't have looked more put-together in his impeccably modern black suit, crisp pink shirt, and perfectly knotted purple-and-blue tie," it read. A pink shirt! And crisp, no less! Whatever could they be implying? Enough, we say, it's 2008 for God's sakes, a news anchor can be whoever he wants to be. Test your gaydar against ours after the jump as we rate five top news hosts' homosexuality using five video clips and a terribly loose interpretation of the Kinsey Scale.