Big news from David Patrick Columbia today: The society chronicler and proprietor of New York Social Diary reports that he's now using Facebook and Twitter! "Twitter. I couldn't think of what to write. I'm a person who is rarely without a thought or consideration in his head, no matter where I am, no matter where I go. Yet with that little dumb distraction of a cell phone screen before me, I couldn't think of a damned thing to Twitter. Or Tweet." So what did he come up with? "Having Skippy's creamy peanut butter on an English muffin." This is going to be big. So please follow him here and please do it now. [NYSD]
Olivia Palermo, the tonged-haired, copiously-kohl-rimmed 22-year-old whose turn on The City has showcased at least ten gradations of bitchface, has achieved the kind of fame that every aspiring social with narcissistic personality disorder dreams of: According to the Post, she's the most-searched name on New York Social Diary and the New York Observer's site (oh, and look where she is here), she's "rumored" (by whom? Her publicist?) to be the model for Gossip Girl's Blair Waldorf, and all the other attention-seeking party girls must be, like, sooo jealous of her.
Did you know that a new MTV series, The City, debuted on Monday? Need to get up to speed on this exciting TV milestone and its significance for kids today? Thankfully, esteemed social chronicler David Patrick Columbia has popped his reality TV cherry and brought us a lengthy exegesis on Whitney Port and Olivia Palermo's tragic little show. "It's kinda like a soap opera looking for a plot," opines DPC sagely, "but don't let that worry you." Well, we'll try not to! What else? Oh yes, of course: Olivia, hitherto just another pretty face popping up on NYSD's party pictures, is "like an honest to god movie star," and "the biggest glamour-puss" onscreen. Gosh, this will almost—no, completely!—make up for the fact that according to everyone else, she revealed a unique talent for being unconvincing and repellent in the same moment. [NYSD]
Frank Bruni's takedown of Michael's last week is the gift that keeps on giving. Following up on his interview with the Observer yesterday, today David Patrick Columbia offers up a few more thoughts on the media hotspot on New York Social Diary, sharing a few details on his eating habits, because you know that's what you've been waiting for: "I am not a gourmand although I have a large and ongoing appetite. However, unless something is giving me attitude when I'm eating it, I tend to like what I am eating when ordered in a restaurant. Occasionally at one restaurant or another, I’ll have something that speaks to me, sings to me, but otherwise I am not persnickety. I rarely go to a restaurant for the food, but for the company." And there you have it. [NYSD]
There's really almost nothing to be said about this except that yes, we are ashamed of ourselves. While perusing New York Social Diary's photos from the American Cancer Society's "Celebration of Life" ball (looked like a blast!), well, we noticed the couple at the far right, reenacting a prom that happened before you were born. It would almost be sweet, if it weren't totally gross that old people have the same needs and desires as us. [New York Social Diary, Photo: Scott Rudd (ACS)]
Upper East Side children's store Bonpoint held a children's fashion show for their reopening. And yes the little kids are so cute. But what is the psychological cost of this adorable event? Body dysmorphic disorder before elementary school? Drinking diet juice boxes? Whatever, this city is savage. No sense in waiting until middle school for these insecurities to start. [New York Social Diary]
What does David Patrick Columbia of New York Social Diary, a website that shares pics of the lives of the Tinsely Mortimer crowd, think of the growing income gap? He granted a rambling interview to BigThink, a "marketplace for idea-sharing, discussion between global thought leaders and the public" that's already interviewed luminaries such as Richard Branson and Ted Kennedy. His solution starts with the proclamation that, "A lot of people are just too rich." Like Donald Newhouse, one of Forbes' richest men, and the Rockefeller clan, presumably, all of whom have been lovingly chronicled on NYSD! He spirals into an anecdote about having dinner on the yacht of "a very, very rich man." The yacht in question was "big, huge... I think it was 300 feet or something like that. It was enormous." The video and transcript follow.
Yesterday we wondered aloud why the Socialite Ranklers had removed elder statesman of goss David Patrick Columbia's New York Social Diary from their blogroll. Could it have anything to do with a rumored beef between DPC and lead SR-writing suspect, "writer" Derek Blasberg, we thought but didn't say? Luckily, we didn't have to wonder for very long: a clarification landed in our inbox, on the monogrammed SR e-stationery:
Remember when we posted that YouTube clip of Beauty Junkie Alex Kucz lambasting 740 Park author Michael Gross via voicemail? And remember when, after the clip, we mentioned that "This obviously has nothing whatsoever to do with Monday's Kucz Fresh Air interview, by the way"? Well, David Patrick Columbia wants to lift the scales from your eyes, America: that "voicemail message" is actually a clip from the Fresh Air interview, taken out of context and spliced together with Gross's voicemail via the magic of technology! Let's let Columbia explain it a little more thoroughly:
We just have to drop our know-it-all facade here for a second and admit that we were probs totally wrong about the slant of David Patrick Columbia's Tinz Mortimer,31 literary allusion the other day. We don't actually know anything about rich people who go to parties for a living. But he sure does! And today he's got another blind item. We have to say, we really appreciate this man's blind item steez. No tacky Ted Casablancas "Toothy Tile"-ish nicknames, no Post-y "WHICH young blonde recently divorced popstar" unsubtlety. No, DPC is mad subtle. So subtle, in fact, that we have nooooo fucking clue what he's talking about:
Our jaw dropped to the floor Roger Rabbit-style when we read David Patrick Columbia's broad hint that socialist Tinsley Mortimer, 31 and her financier husband — whose conspicuous absence from her side is mentioned in every article about her — might have hit a bit of a rough patch. What is new, though (at least to us) is his observation that "rumors are focusing on one individual outside the marriage, and an affair (for want of a better word) that has been going on for more than ... a couple of months." And later: "This of course is ultimately the stuff of novels. "
Amazing how many submissions to the "David Patrick Columbia Defeats Death" contest included animals, mojitos, Brooke Astor, and doormen. You'll recall that we asked for 50 words or less describing how the driving force behind New York Social Diary confronted and overcame death. If only everyone could win, but sadly, even the actual winner doesn't really win much. As an aperitif, here's the second runner-up:
Socialite captioneer and social mandarin David Patrick Columbia is most well known for running the good ship New York Social Diary. Unfortunately, it seems he took in a showing of An Inconvenient Truth. That or the heat done got him. The generally dark news here and abroad inspired the gentleman to issue this declaration:
• Instead of serving hard time for cocaine possession, Boy George will be doing community service. Specifically, he'll be working for the Department of Sanitation. With the summer heat melting rat turds everywhere, we would've opted to be a prison bitch. [OMG]
• Terror returns to the financial district: Naomi Campbell moving into 55 Wall Street. [WSJ]
• Peter Kaplan and Arthur Carter are surprisingly hot. [The Real Estate]
• If Star Jones and Al Reynolds were fish, she'd be the bug-eyed starfish and he'd be a gay-as-a-rainbow trout. [Gallery of the Absurd]
• Heather Graham gets ice cream and you don't. But really, she needs it more than you do. [Almost Literary]
• If you combine Times heds with the final paragraph of the accompanying story, you get a simplified, if not mildly insane, result. [Bumper Active]
• Grace Edwards toes dangerously at the nipslip line — really, New York Social Diary just doesn't do that sort of thing, dear. [NYSD]
• This is extremely late-breaking, but when in doubt, blame sagging circulation on natural disasters. You can't argue with God's weather patterns! [Mediaweek (last graf)]
We have no idea where to begin with this picture of blowfish Graydon, the always-scary Donatella, and Mrs. Graydon, who is clearly wondering what the hell she got herself into. Got a good caption? Email it to email@example.com by the end of the day and, if yours is best, win lots of Gawky love. And maybe a spare VF we've got lying around, if you want it.
Today's New York Social Diary exists solely to pay reverence to the set's most polished poufs, Andrew Saffir and Daniel Benedict (you can call them "AND," darling). Together for the past 8 years, AND flit about Manhattan, the Hamptons and Palm Beach, sharing their love of bespoke suits, Greta Garbo, and scented candles with their many friends.