Twain Thomas was sentenced to 15 years in prison last week after chopping down his neighbor's front door last February with a machete, apparently attempting to kill. The neighbor, James Cvengros, filmed the break-in and stopped Thomas by shooting him three times in the chest. "I know they were terrified," Thomas, 54, said in his sentencing.
A Queens man has been posting pornographic photos in his windows because, according to his neighbors, he doesn't like that an immigrant, Indian family moved in next door to him. The man, "Jimmy," admitted to WABC that he posted the pictures, but said, "I'm drying them out, they got damp last night."
She drives a truck, he rides a Rascal-style scooter. She loves screaming the word "fuck," he loves yelling "cunt." According to a neighbor, who posted this video, he's "a sad man" and she's "a crazy mad woman." And it all came to a head yesterday when she knocked him down and backed over his scooter.
Ann Hornaday, the Washington Post's film critic, published an op-ed yesterday that implied that one of the principal reasons for Elliot Rodger's mass killing in Isla Vista was the white men of Hollywood's "escapist fantasies [that] so often revolve around vigilantism and sexual wish-fulfillment." Hornaday specifically called out both Judd Apatow and Seth Rogen's recently-released Neighbors as an example.
The Main Line. A tony, stony region of suburban Philadelphia where the cricket clubs chirp and the toddlers take Mandarin and the driveways are covered with dead mice and snakes. Just a beautiful, fancy area, full of old money and a few NFL players, and a shit ton of dead mice and snakes. Perfect for raising a family of humans or a family of dead mice and snakes.
Ho-lee balls. Looks like some shit is about to hit the motherfucking fan in the ritzy Brentwood district of Los Angeles where some motherfuckers—who shall remain nameless but we all know who they are because their tremendous gate, a thousand feet (9 ft) tall, looms over our lives, blocking out the sun and giving our children rickets—have decided that the gate height regulations that have sustained peace in Brentwood area for millennia just don’t apply to them. Some people, with their rockstar husbands and their children named after common grocery store food items, have determined that the six feet of privacy offered by standard gates is unsuitable to their needs. FUCK IT, we’re talking about Gwyneth Paltrow. Gwyneth Paltrow is running for mayor of Bitchville as the nominee on the Gate Is Too Damn High ticket.
Have you ever had a casual acquaintance who seemed totally normal and nice and the first time you went to their house they were like, "I can't believe you've never seen my house!" and you were like "I can't believe I've never seen your house!" and then you stepped inside and the floor was littered with mutilated doll bodies and it smelled like apricots and there was no furniture?
Everybody say hello to Dale McDaniel, your new favorite Floridian! He's 52, has been arrested at least 34 times, allegedly shouts obscenities at people and pisses in his trash-strewn yard, drinks pretty much constantly, and has left an indelible impression upon his neighbors, many of whom say they fear him.