Hamilton Nolan · 07/03/13 02:32PM

The fourth and fifth moons of Pluto have officially been named Kerberos and Styx, respectively. The Earth's moon is still named fucking "Aiden."

Exciting Day for Meat: All The Meats Are Getting New Names

Caity Weaver · 04/04/13 06:32PM

Looks like one more staple of Americana was just added to the list of things we'll have to explain to our space-children a thousand years from now when they ask us "What was April 4, 2013 like?" Pork chops are about to be eliminated forever.

Rich Juzwiak · 12/21/12 04:45PM

iPNP is a hilariously named Santa app for kids, not for adults interested in having sex on meth. Stick to Grindr.

What Should We Re-Name Suri Cruise?

Caity Weaver · 07/12/12 11:50AM

Now that the Cruise/Holmes divorce saga has wrapped up without much fuss, all of us who had looked forward to filling our silences with discussions of its minutiae over the next several months are left scrambling.

Don't Let Government Thugs Take Away America's Corn Sugar

Hamilton Nolan · 05/31/12 01:21PM

If you're as American as I assure you I am, don't even look it up, then you can't be limited to just regular old sugar. Regular sugar is white, but "this land is your land" (multicultural). When you get a mighty hunger after driving your pickup truck to the American football games, nothing will hit that "sweet spot" except for some delicious real corn sugar. Whoops, sorry—the government bureaucrats aren't "okay" with that.

What Shall We Call This Next Generation?

Hamilton Nolan · 05/04/12 03:50PM

Kids these days: what the hell are they? That is the question that faces American time-wasters today. As you know, the latest generation with a formal name is "The Millennials," and they are basically the worst, continuing the grand tradition of every new generation being the worst.

The Baby Names in This Mothering Forum Are Amazing

Maureen O'Connor · 03/02/12 02:59PM

I recently came to terms with the fact that, if I ever have babies, I will probably give them ridiculous names. (Elbow Macaroni O'Connor.) This is because I lack self-determination and thus am perpetually at the mercy of pointless trends, and also because people with cool names are actually cooler than the rest of us. I am certain of this because, as a young female with a lame old lady name, I am human evidence of the inverse of this principle.