Daft Punk were supposed to headline the Colbert Report's annual StePhest Colbchella and play the "song of the summer," "Get Lucky." (That must have seemed slightly more plausible as the actual song of the summer a month ago, when the duo were booked.) However, because they had a deal with MTV for a surprise appearance on August 25's Video Music Awards, President of MTV Networks Music & Logo Group at Viacom, Inc., Van Toffler stepped in and put the kibosh on the Colbert Report appearance, citing contractual exclusivity.
Gawker has obtained audio of an alleged Kanye West erratically justifying his interruption of Taylor Swift's acceptance speech during the 2009 MTV Video Music Awards ("Because I wrote my ['Run This Town'] verse in two days, Taylor Swift cannot beat Beyoncé"), ranting about not being asked to perform at the ceremony over Pink, and claiming that his mother, Donda West, "died for this fame shit."
Dana, a 21-year-old from Illinois, was profiled on MTV's True Life: I'm Too Beautiful over the weekend. Of course, by participating in this show, she set herself up for a chorus of, "Nuh-uhs." Though the aspiring profesional wrestler does what she can to optimize her beauty (she figures the breast implants that she wants will push her from a "10" to a "200"), she also bemoans it and its drawbacks: hundreds of Facebook friend requests, unwanted attention from men, the men whose attention she does want not taking her seriously, female haters and tension with her sister.
Even though I know it would be better for my life and well-being, I cannot tear myself away from Ke$ha's highly stilted MTV reality show My Crazy Beautiful Life. This week's theme was what other people think of Ke$ha, which is very telling regarding the inner lives of stars in a way reminiscent of Reese Witherspoon. Just as Reese confirmed that for at least one star, "Do you know who I am?" is right at the tip of her tongue, Ke$ha confirms that she cares what you think of her. She really, really cares. That's no way to be the carefree weirdo she's based her persona on. On last night's show, Ke$ha despaired over Perez Hilton's negative opinion over her and cried tears of joy when the Los Angeles Times compared her to Dylan.
Last night, MTV solidified its reputation as the network with the worst awards show security, when Parks and Recreation actress Aubrey Plaza stormed the stage (possibly drunk, definitely barefoot) to interrupt a speech by comedian Will Ferrell.
Last night's installment of MTV's unfailingly sensitive and absurd depiction of the real issues of today's youth, True Life, focused on tanning addiction. Its two Oompa Loompa-hued subjects were dim even by the standards of this show, even though their skin shone brightly. Alyssa is 18, from Monroe, Connecticut and says things like, "A good tan to me means I can't even determine what race I am," and "Everyone in my life thinks I look disgusting." Billy is 19, from Franklin Square, NY (that's on Long Island, of course), goes to school in Orlando, and refuses to go cold turkey when told by a dermatologist to quit tanning (his resolution to quit going to tanning beds because he's "not dumb" and then almost immediate reversal was the episode's high point). Both are frivolous young people who found tanning, and then MTV found them. This may not represent the American dream, but theirs is an American dream.
On last night's Catfish, the show that dares to ask who's zoomin' who about people who have never met but are engaged in Internet relationships, the zoomin' was particularly fervent. Rod met Ebony via a gay/bisexual dating site, even though he claimed not to identify as gay or bi ("You can go on there to meet basically anybody," he said, not adding that "anybody" meant primarily gay and bisexual people). He also claimed to be his cousin "KJ" and sent Ebony pictures of KJ rather than himself over the course of their four-year correspondence.
Last night, MTV's redneck version of Jersey Shore, BUCKWILD, debuted and The Wild and Wonderful Whites of West Virginia it ain't. Nor is it Here Comes Honey Boo Boo. Shit, the third season of Jersey Shore is Altmanesque compared to this drooled-out quarter-narrative. Set in Sissonville, WV, and Charleston, WV, it is stilted beyond the point of My Life as Liz, as it follows some girls thrown into a house (one of them talks like she's from Cali) and some guys who maybe know them and/or each other, whatever who cares. There are also some outdoor, countryish stunts thrown in, making the show behave like the most boring, least homoerotic Jackass episode that never was. There was a fight with a neighbor over noise that had uncomfortable and unexamined racial undertones, and it wasn't even like the party that caused it was that fun to watch anyway.
Remember when MTV used to play music videos? Of course you do, because you're old.
Jersey Shore returned for its sixth and final season last night, and ugh, Jersey Shore is on TV again. I haven't kept up regularly since three quarters of the way through Season 2, but it seems like they're still fighting about the same stuff they were fighting about two seasons ago, if last night's flashback reel was an indication. Mike vs. Snooki. Sam vs. Ronnie. JWoww vs. nature. Pauly and Vinnie not vs. the inherent homoeroticism of their relationship. They're still embracing it.