Author/New Yorker writer/CNN pundit Jeffrey Toobin turns 49 today. Duly elected United States Senator Al Franken is turning 58. Actress Fairuza Balk is 35. Lisa Edelstein from the TV show House turns 43. Judge Reinhold is 52. Ron Isley of the Isley Brothers is 68. Hairstylist Ed Tricomi turns 57. Manhattan Media CEO Tom Allon is 47. Porn star Briana Banks is turning 31. And Laurence Tureaud (better known as Mr. T) celebrates his 57th birthday today.
On the defensive after appearing in a Snickers commercial yanked for homophobia due to its swishy speedwalker, 80's icon Mr. T appeared on The O'Reilly Factor and made it up to gays everywhere the only way he knows how: with glorious, glorious camp. The arm-wrestling brawler immediately produced a long-winded, written defense which he then read from on air; highlights include the passages, "I have been pitying fools for 28 years, Biiiiiill," "Speedwalking is an Olympic sport," and desperate pleas for someone, anyone, to talk to "SPEEDWALKA!" for his reaction. T particularly triggered our sympathy (not pity, we leave that to the experts) when he whined, "On The A-Team, I called the bad guys a disgrace because they was harassin' helpless people. No problems. No complaints." Too true, T. Compared to GLAAD, those bad guy lobbyists really need to get it together. [Amy Proctor Blog]
The PC joke police are steamrolling testosterone-based advertising! First Nike had to pull its "Air Stab" sneakers out of stores in the UK because people thought they were encouraging unrestrained knife crime. Not a week later, Nike found itself under assault by gays and their internet sympathizers over an ad showing a basketball guy hanging his nuts in another guys' face, with the slogan "That Ain't Right." And now the rising pro-homo chorus has forced Snickers to pull its ad in which Mr. T shoots a speed walker (and gay caricature) with a gatling gun while screaming, "Get some nuts!" Oh, some people get insulted by every little thing. Couldn't they just have digitally inserted a thought balloon on the guy saying "NO HOMO"? Watch the too hot for PC ad yourself, after the jump:
Sporting twin bandoliers filled with Snickers bars, 80s icon Mr. T recently resurfaced on the Australian arm wrestling circuit. Inspired by the Sylvester Stallone film, Over The Top, The A-Team star sought out the roughest, toughest, meanest arm wrestling scene in all of the world, which lead T to the land Down Under. Mr .T said, "I pity the fool that thinks M.M.A. is tough. Arm Wrestling is where it's at. People wrestling for real life things like children and Snickers bars."
We've long believed that of all of Mr. T's deeply subversive acting work of the '80s, nothing demands a more serious reappraisal through the prism of contemporary social issues than The A-Team. Especially an A-Team directed by John Singleton, whom Fox has nabbed for its feature-length adaptation to open in summer 2009. Alas, with the updating reportedly focusing on a group of Iraq War veterans railroaded for a crime they didn't commit, Singleton requires a kinder, gentler, less gold-plated 'Nam vet anti-hero B.A. Baracus to carpool his batch of mercenaries in that famous black van.
· Somebody call Doc Brown, this is 1.21 jigga-WHATs of unabashed awesomeness. Keep your eyes peeled for the homey with the prosthetic leg; he puts Mucca to shame. [College Humor via AOTS]
· During the course of our day, we read a lot of truly shitty op-ed pieces. It's part of the job, we don't like to complain. While we normally shield these sorts of works from your eyes, we would like to share one of the more egregiously awful pieces we've read in eons with you now. Its title? "How utterly cool is Natalie Portman?" Barf. [MSNBC]
· "We've seen comebacks happen over and over again in the entertainment industry, whether it's John Travolta, the Spice Girls, or fictitious characters such as Indiana Jones or Rambo. Now it's Mr. T's time." So true. We pity the fools who don't read Mr. T's graphic novel! [Mohawk Media]
· We have to be honest, once we hit the 90-second mark in this video and realized that it's 22 minutes long, we stopped watching. That said, many tips have hit the Defamer inbox today telling us it's funny. So, there you go. Democracy in action. [Funny Or Die]
· And finally, we close the day with a bit of good news. The Elliott Smith wall on Sunset in Silver Lake has, thankfully, been untagged and restored to its pristine beauty. A tip of the cap to our friends at LAist. [LAist]
· Vince Vaughn's lawyers would like the world to know that he and Jennifer Aniston are still as together as ever, and that they're ready to sue into oblivion the nasty gossips who claimed he made out with some cheap blonde in London. Unrelated: The Break-Up, available on DVD tomorrow!
Is Lindsay Lohan going to take a break from acting? Probably not, but that shouldn't stop anyone from quietly wishing she might disappear for a year.
Despite this apparent "job application", former NY Daily News JV gossip columnist Lloyd Grove swears he's not headed to the LAT.
If you've ever thought that Mr. T's decades-old mohawk-and-fifty-pounds-of-gold-chains look could use an update, here's your chance to make it happen.
We bet that if Tom Waits were to handpick one actress to do an entire album of his music, he would've picked Scarlett Johansson, too.
More K-Fed wish fulfillment: Househusband to be bodyslammed tonight on WWE Raw. Set your DVRs!
• Angelina Jolie has officially stolen Jennifer Aniston's Oscar vehicle. She'll play Mariane Pearl, the widow of murdered Wall Street Journal reporter Daniel Pearl — a role originally written for Aniston. Stolen manchild Brad Pitt will produce, then continue to scratch his ass. [Gatecrasher]
• Radio jock Wendy Williams reveals Method Man's wife is battling cancer, sending the Wu Tang rapper into a lengthy rant on an online hip-hop station. If it had been on Hot97, someone would've been shot by now. [Lowdown (2nd item)]
• The hunger makes Ellen Pompeo crazy: she refuses to do interviews with other Grey's Anatomy cast members and jumps out of a car in the midst of a screaming match with her boyfriend. [Page Six]
• TomKat have had a very exciting, great, amazing and redundant year. [Us Weekly]
• Jackie Chan is sorry he's such a drunk. If you were the star of The Tuxedo, you'd be an alcoholic too. [IMDb]
• Stuck in Lebanon amidst warfare, celebrity chef Anthony Bourdain makes one last call to his ex-girlfriend to tell her that he's okay. [Page Six]
• Mr. T renounces gold chains. Welcome to the summer news slowdown, people. [TMZ (3rd item)]