Wow—You Like the Mets? Wow. 

Hamilton Nolan · 10/12/15 10:45AM

Wow—you like the Mets? Okay—congrats. A thousand apologies for my failure to immediately fall to my knees and worship your great moral courage.

Hamilton Nolan · 07/06/15 02:45PM

On the Confederate flag controversy: “Now come all these self-righteous liberals from cities such as New York, Los Angeles and Washington, doing what the Charleston shooter failed to do — sowing division and discord where none exist.”—Marc Thiessen, a white Republican who grew up in Manhattan and works in Washington.

Univision Canceled Miss USA Because Donald Trump Is an Asshole 

Gabrielle Bluestone · 06/25/15 12:05PM

Donald Trump, to be fair, says a lot of idiot things. And for the most part, people just ignore him until he tires himself out, as you might a child having a tantrum. But it looks like his idiot comments about drug-addicted-rapist Mexicans rightfully offended some people—Univision says they’re not going to air the Miss USA beauty pageant as long as he’s involved.

Richard Cohen Calls for Perpetual World War

Hamilton Nolan · 09/09/14 12:45PM

Good writer and smart man Richard Cohen is taking Obama to task for forgetting one important lesson that smart people like Richard Cohen know: the United States of America must be at war with lots of countries at all times.

Rick Perry, a Moron, Says Homosexuality Is Like Alcoholism

Hamilton Nolan · 06/12/14 08:10AM

Blow-dried idiot and Texas Governor Rick "See My Glasses?" Perry has done some thinking, about these homos. Rick Perry is now prepared to answer your homosexual questions, in a hilariously poor fashion.

Today We Honor Columbus, An Inspiration to Cruel Half-Wits Everywhere

Ken Layne · 10/14/13 09:42AM

For centuries after his accidental discovery of the Bahamas, Christopher Columbus was a true hero of history. But then the alternative histories were published, and the colonization of the New World was revealed to be a nightmare of atrocity and terror. Still, we can learn something from this stubborn idiot who insisted until the day he died that Cuba was part of Asia.

Lacey Donohue · 10/02/13 09:39PM

Rep. Marlin Stutzman (R-IN) has summed up the GOP's entire stance to the Washington Examiner: "We're not going to be disrespected. We have to get something out of this. And I don't know what that even is."

Ken Layne · 05/13/13 06:03PM

"Of the 41 percent of Republicans who consider Benghazi to be the worst political scandal in American history, 39 percent are unaware that Benghazi is located in Libya. 10 percent said it's in Egypt, 9 percent in Iran, 6 percent in Cuba, 5 percent in Syria, 4 percent in Iraq, and 1 percent in North Korea and Liberia."

How a Building Super Foiled the NYPD's Super-Secret and Probably Illegal Dumb Surveillance Operation

John Cook · 07/25/12 09:57AM

After 9/11, the New York Police Department in its manifest wisdom decided to start pretending that it was a global intelligence agency staffed by stealthy Jason Bourne types. In pursuit of its goal of spying on all Muslims, everywhere, New York's finest even crossed the Hudson River to New Brunswick, New Jersey, to establish a secret surveillance outpost because seriously there are Muslims literally everywhere. That little operation was foiled in 2009, though, when a super named Salil Sheth happened upon an apartment filled with surveillance equipment and Muslim literature and called 911 because he thought he'd stumbled upon a terror cell. The AP has just obtained the audio of the call.

Rick Perry Was a Horrible College Student

Jim Newell · 08/05/11 11:59AM

Now we know why Gov. Rick Perry is aggressively trying to change Texas' state university system to one where teachers are paid by how much money they bring in, and students are treated like "customers": It's to take on revenge on the professors who gave him horrible, no-good, very bad grades during his college days.