Think back to the summer of 2008, when city-dwellers and scientists were all vexed and perplexed by the hook-nosed carcass stinking up the craggy shores of Long Island. Later dubbed the Montauk Monster, the apocryphal stories emerged about secret nuclear animal test centers and, for a brief instant, New York appeared to have its next biggest tourist attraction since Stomp! [UPDATE: New speculation received in the last hour tells us this is no goddamn pig.]
You are probably still recovering from the sight of the hell baby that found its way to a San Diego beach last week. And you should be, because that thing is a terror and no one seems to know what it is. Fortunately for us, Vice tracked down the tipster who sent in the image in order to get some answers.
That thing you are staring at and trying desperately to understand is a "Chupacabra/Montauk Monster." Or at least that is what the tipster who sent it into Vice called it. It supposedly washed up on a San Diego beach just last week. At approximately two feet in length, it has the face of some sort of tusked boar and makes a weekly appearance in my nightmares. Whether you believe that it is real or not it is up to you to decide, but I am pretty sure that is the most terrible seademon you will see today. And one more for our collection of Montauk Monsters.
(No, not insurance companies, har har) The summer of monsters is not quite over! There's a new scaly fellow prowling the Northeast. This one was photographed in swimming in a West Hartford reservoir by some kinda-crackpotty lady. It's got spikes and sorta looks like a stegosaurus mixed with an octopus. A stegopus. Don't worry, no one drinks that water, officials say, so there's no threat of contamination. Monster contamination. Now, everyone go to Hartford! —Sincerely, Hartford Tourism Board
Did the secret monster army being bred on Plum Island lose another experimental "marine?" Or did the Montauk Monster simply move from one side of Long Island to the other via an overflowing drainage system? The North Shore Sun received pictures of a dead creature that supposedly looked like Monty and that was seen by at least three Long Islanders before mysteriously disappearing, probably because its body was snatched by a secret Plum Island/Homeland Security commando team. The summer of monsters truly is endless! One witness' report, plus a larger version of the picture at left, after the jump.