An incomprehensibly boring controversy emerged earlier this week after the Wall Street Journal published a poorly-structured piece about Iran involving the return of frozen Iranian funds in the form of cash, which coincided with the release four detained Americans. Naturally, this triggered Donald Trump’s paranoid imagination, and he began ranting about watching a “top secret” video, leaked by the Iranian government, of an airplane covertly delivering the cash. He described the footage as having been shot at a “perfect angle, nice and steady,” which could only have been the work of Iranian state media.
Remember the old heartwarming classic about some handsome guy with scissors for hands, Tim Burton’s Edward Scissorhands? The one that makes you cry and laugh and reminds you that judging others by their physical disabilities is morally reprehensible? Wouldn’t you like to watch that flick in the park of one of America’s finest cities?
In a misguided ode to a girlfriend, Kirk Soccorso tattooed his beloved's name on the inside of his lower lip. Her name is Isis. They have since broken up. When he showed the tattoo to his co-workers at a Long Island Home Depot discussing the extremist militant group beheading people in Syria, he was reportedly fired.
Lil Wayne really can't catch a break this week. On top of his ongoing battle with Cash Money Records over the release of his next album, he's apparently been the victim of a persistent troll: someone falsely reported a mass shooting at his home and booked him an unwanted appointment with a prostitute. At times like these, at least he can still get on stage and everything'll be alright for an hour or so.
A New Jersey police dive team recovered a pickup truck that sunk into the Toms River early Sunday morning after the vehicle was spotted driving donuts on the ice. The driver and passenger later turned themselves into police; both were unharmed. Their dog was not so lucky: Police found its frozen body in the submerged truck.
In the ongoing saga that is the New York Post's egregious faceblindness, another instance of mistaken identity slipped into the paper today when the death of Staten Island man Eric Garner was rewritten with US Attorney General Eric Holder in his stead. For the full (and corrected online) article, "It's the lawlessness," you can click here.
At Joe's Crab Shack, where your cousin brought you once and swears isn't always that gross, you can order a Shark Bite or a Shark Nibble. They sound similar—and in a busy restaurant, one could easily be confused for the other—but they are actually different! One (the Bite) contains alcohol; the other (the Nibble) does not. Someone got confused serving a table of children aged two to eight at a Joe's Crab Shack last Wednesday in Colorado Springs.
A cafe in Perth, Australia was slapped with fines after its absurd pay docking policies were deemed officially absurd by the country's Fair Work Ombudsman, which discovered penalties for small mistakes no employee could ever afford to accidentally make. They include losing $112 from your paycheck for not getting a pork belly dish "crispy enough."
Last month, Justice Scalia's mistake in a case about air pollution made headlines. He quickly and quietly revised the decision. Amusing though the episode was, as the New York Times detailed over the weekend, it was not unusual. The court does this all the time! Judges: They're Just Like Us Bloggers.