Is 'Neuromarketing' Real? Who Knows?

Hamilton Nolan · 03/25/11 01:54PM

"Neuromarketing" is a term coined by the advertising industry because it sounds nice and not at all scary or ominous. Then again, it might be total pseudoscientific crapola! Who's to say? The advertising industry, that's who!

Science Proves: Ladies Who Don't Use Pantene Are Ugly

Hamilton Nolan · 06/30/10 09:50AM

Astoundingly massive and omniscient consumer products corporation P&G knows that you, the consumer, are more worried about "bad hair days" than about war, recession, and workplace rape, combined. So P&G hair scientists are killing bad hair dead. With science!

Television's Benevolent Mind Control Program

Hamilton Nolan · 04/07/10 11:22AM

America is a nation of mostly poor, unattractive people who take their cues on life from the fictional actions of rich, attractive characters on television. The NBC network, your father figure, has decided to educate our slackjawed populace. With television!

Do We Really Want Better Ads?

Hamilton Nolan · 05/08/08 10:05AM

MTV Networks is having its upfronts today, where it pitches its new season to advertisers. The network is also trying to sell sponsors on its "podbusting" techniques—i.e., making commercials that are like mini-shows in themselves. The theory, of course, is that making ads more like regular programs will defeat the almighty Tivo, with content so compelling that you cannot help but watch, slack-jawed, as the hypnotic 60-second Mountain Dew Bourne Ultimatum spinoff flickers before your eyes. They're so entertaining! Way better than boring old regular commercials. In one sense, this is corporate America trying to give us what we want. But do we really want better ads?

TV Shows Themselves Slowly Becoming Ads

Hamilton Nolan · 03/17/08 12:15PM

Cisco Systems is the main sponsor for the History Channel show "Modern Marvels," but being the main sponsor wasn't enough. Now, Cisco is actually having themselves magically inserted into old episodes of the show, with just a little bit of new footage and some re-editing. The result is a three-minute "mini-documentary" in which Cisco execs talk about the show's topic, which will be "seamlessly woven in" to the show's commercial breaks. Um, scary! Next thing we know, the Gorton's Fisherman will be rescuing Gilligan on Nick At Nite. Could this ultimately lead to our dead heroes having their memories dredged up just to sell useless dreck? Oh, too late. [TVWeek, History.com]