50 Cent: I'm Not Rich, I Just Borrowed Tons of Cool, Expensive Shit

Jay Hathaway · 07/23/15 10:10AM

Facing down a $5 million judgment for posting a sex tape of Rick Ross’s baby mama, 50 Cent has declared bankruptcy to prove he can’t pay. It’s somewhat convenient that, after Forbes named him one of the richest rappers in the world just a few months ago, 50 claims his reported $155 million fortune is really just $4.375 million. He said this week that he rented cars and borrowed jewelry to keep up appearances.

Hamilton Nolan · 06/11/14 12:11PM

"There is one millionaire household for every 16 households in the country... with about 22 houses per block, if there isn't a family worth seven figures living on your block, there will likely be, on average, one living on the next block." Role models are everywhere.

Millionaire Is Worried it Will Be Awkward When She Demands Money from Homeless Man

Caity Weaver · 03/28/12 10:13PM

In January, 30-year-old Emily Leach won $1,000,000 on a scratch-off ticket she bought at a California Liquor & Tobacco store. She used the money to pay off medical bills she had incurred while receiving treatment for a pancreatic tumor. She bought her mom a dog. She exhibited the kind of exorbitant generosity normally reserved for cartoon billionaires and Mitt Romney, by handing out $100 bills to strangers.

Higher Taxes Don't Make Rich People Leave a State

Hamilton Nolan · 04/21/11 11:37AM

The state of New Jersey instituted a "millionaire's tax" (those making over $500K had their state tax rate raised to 9% from about 6.5%) in 2004, because its multimillionaire governor at the time was a socialist who hates success. Now, a new study has documented the devastating effect that this penurious and unfair tax scheme had on the state, as all the millionaires packed up and fled for friendlier locales:

Jann Wenner Just Scraping By

Hamilton Nolan · 03/02/10 04:53PM

Facial-haired magazine mogul Jann Wenner's wife has paid him more than $20 million this year to buy his half of two properties the couple once shared, before Jann moved in with a guy 15 years ago. It's a living! [NYT]

World's Last Millionaires Own Us All

Hamilton Nolan · 06/25/09 11:51AM

The Way We Live Now: Great, if we're millionaires. And we're not, any more. So the remaining millionaires use us as a global army of slave drones for their own whimsical amusement. Their "cash money" buys us nothing. We're enraged!

Bright Idea Saves Newspapers

Hamilton Nolan · 06/08/09 03:14PM

Here it is, at long last, the idea that will save print and the newspaper industry as a whole! It's deceptively simple! And the chances of it backfiring horribly are...even or better!

Pay $100 an Hour for an Ex-Stripper to 'Hypnotize' You

Hamilton Nolan · 01/08/09 09:24AM

Sad struggling businessmen can no longer afford to spend thousands on strippers at Scores. Instead, they're spending hundreds to have an ex-stripper from Scores hypnotize them. For business success! Really now:

Josh Hartnett Will Make You Sigh For The Web's Good Old Days

Hamilton Nolan · 07/14/08 04:04PM

This one isn't brand new, but the current economic turmoil means it's a good time to watch the trailer for August, the upcoming Josh Hartnett flick dramatizing the dramatic dot-com world of August, 2001-a dramatic time. Josh Hartnett is sitting in board rooms! Delivering speeches! Furrowing his brow! And sexing a sexy woman or three in the process! Enjoy the sight of Web boom 1.0, just as Web boom 2.0 may be going over a cliff with the rest of the economy. Side note: Hartnett, who also portrayed a web guy in 40 Days and 40 Nights, is set to corner the market on playing dotcom heroes. Luckily he bears a passing resemblance to Nick Denton! Watch the trailer below and comment freely.