Marijuana Has Infiltrated America's High Schools

Hamilton Nolan · 08/02/12 03:43PM

Mason, Ohio is just a typical Middle American town. Home to the Golf Center at Kings Island. Hell, Money magazine named it the 24th Best Place to Live in America, 2011. A fine place to raise a family. Or so we thought. Because even Mason, Ohio has found its public schoolhouses infested with what you've always feared: marijuana.

White People Have Lost Control of the Heartland

Hamilton Nolan · 11/14/11 04:06PM

What an age we live in! Whereas America sprung full-formed from the breast of Jesus as a white Christian nation in 1776, now we have all types of weird foreign people here. And we welcome them, now that they've gotten in despite our considerable national spirit of xenophobia! Middle America is no longer as white as it's always been (since we killed the natives!).

What Did Oprah Do to Destroy America Today?

The Cajun Boy · 05/21/09 07:46PM

Oprah, America's thuggish overlord and faux cultural tastemaker, was out there today, as she always is, polluting the airwaves with her little syndicated serf-indoctrination program, looking for something cool to run up to, drop her pants, and shit all over. What did she defecate on top of today? Skype!

The Mall is Dead

Hamilton Nolan · 04/16/09 10:40AM

Did you, who lived through the 80s, ever think you'd live to see the day when you couldn't make money with a mall in America, or with a pub in England? That day has come!

Sacha Baron Cohen Plays First Gay Man To Visit Kansas

Hamilton Nolan · 03/31/08 10:16AM

Sacha "Borat" Baron "Ali G" Cohen is working on his upcoming flick about his character "Bruno," the supergay Austrian fashion reporter. Since everyone on both coasts (except for Ben Affleck) is obviously too familiar with his work to be punked, Bruno has traveled to the heart of flyover land, Wichita, Kansas. Where he was captured on film doing supergay stuff! His act reportedly "almost looked like pornography," at least to Kansas sensibilities. After the jump, video [via Towleroad] of Bruno and his funky pants dance, which brings joy to the dreary confines of the Wichita terminal.