Arizona Fears Mexican-American Studies Are Poisoning College Students' Minds

Hamilton Nolan · 04/17/12 08:57AM

¡Hola! That is what the state of Arizona says to its Mexican friends and residents, to distract them from the knife being plunged into their backs at the same moment. The primary problem facing the foreclosure-wracked drought-plagued desert state of Arizona: Mexicans learning things. Arizona will put a stop to that—¡muy rapido!

Arizona Outlaws Mexican History

Hamilton Nolan · 12/28/11 10:45AM

You know what the state of Arizona needs? More xenophobia. Also, less knowledge of Mexican-American history and more fear and distrust between white people and immigrants. So thank god that a judge has upheld an earlier ruling by Arizona's school superintendent that a Mexican-American studies program in Tucson is a violation of the law, in part because it promotes "resentment toward a race or class of people." White people in Arizona, specifically!

Foreigners Are Making American Money Without Speaking American!

Hamilton Nolan · 11/09/11 11:17AM

Just when you think that this is America and yew better speak American if you wanna live here because my daddy worked hard to support our family and I don't pay taxes to support a buncha Mescans sneaking over the border to steal my hard-earned dollars and date my daughter, you read something like this: foreigners are making good solid American dollars—millions of 'em!—without even talkin' English like a real human. Is this that "socialism" they're always talking about?

Obama's Advice: 'You Do Not Want to Get Between Michelle and a Tamale'

Jim Newell · 05/06/11 11:47AM

President Obama made it back from Ground Zero yesterday just in time for a packed White House Cinco de Mayo party. He prepared for the crowd all sorts of Mexico-related jokes, for which the First Lady served as a useful prop at times. Mexican food is Michelle's favorite, Obama said, adding that "you do not want to be between Michelle and a tamale." Not that she's fat or anything, he hastily adds — she exercises, too! Oh, to be a prop wife.

Buzzkill Boehner Won't Even Throw a Cinco de Mayo Party

Jim Newell · 04/18/11 05:02PM

House Speaker John Boehner has a message for Mexicans: Drop dead. No, we're sure he loves the Mexicans. But not enough to throw them, and Americans of Mexican heritage, a Capitol Hill party for Cinco de Mayo.

A Rising Tide Lifts All Rich Boats

Hamilton Nolan · 09/23/10 03:58PM

The Way We Live Now: spreading the wealth around. Around to the richest Americans. They pay most of the taxes, you know? It's only fair. Besides, with the work ethic Mexicans have, they'll be rich soon, too! Haha. Ha.

'Beverly Hills Chihuahua' Further Corners Market on Mexican Gags For the Whole Family

STV · 07/08/08 02:25PM

Our obsession with Disney's forthcoming nature extravaganza Beverly Hills Chihuahua has resulted in feverish demands for an earlier release date and, failing that, an unabating anticipation of the day when we can plunk down our $10 for studio's garish, G-rated monument to ethno-canine stereotypes. The bastards appear to be listening, however, as a new teaser making the rounds features the angry, George Lopez-voiced hero Papi rallying the diminutive troops, wetting panties and calling for "mas" all-you-can-eat taco bars and "no mas" handbag accessorizing. Seriously — who can wait for this?