As a human being with a soul in there somewhere, I've avoided blogging about the Xeni-Violet scandal. But as a wannabe comedy writer, I found myself obsessively poring over the 1,200-plus Metafilter comments on our report. I'd forgotten why I love-hated Metafilter: It's a boyzone of spiteful, pseudonymous insult comics, but many are snappy with the English language. "Instead of calling it what it is, they're going to clown us with semantics." Red meat for you guys at MeFi: The "homophobic" headline on yesterday's post was added by big gay Owen Thomas himself. Discuss.
Coined by R. Stevens in his webcomic Diesel Sweeties, "social nerdwanking" means lording your social-network superiority over others, which is secretly the only reason you bother with Facebook, Tumblr, Twitter, Orkut, and every other social network. Except your legitimate if fruitless use of Adult FriendFinder.
"I need help not blowing this exciting opportunity, please. i do not know how to amass the team of people I need to make the most of my fame potential. An upcoming event in my life is going to be splashed across the news nation and perhaps world wide.... I want a publicist and a manager who specializes in making a somebody out of nobody with something to offer—in terms of personal branding, think Lauren Conrad from 'The Hills' meets Ann Coulter meets Suze Orman." [Ask Mefi]
Last week's convergence of beer, hipsters and destructive tendencies at 196 Grand left porcelain toilets shattered, windows broken and four men in jail. Its legacy has not only been marked in dented drywall, videos and an unreasonable amount of Gawker posts but also in mysterious phone calls. Apparently some dude who goes by the name Tony Robots has been receiving phone calls from the NYPD about the property; they seem to think he's the owner. Soon Mr. Robots was fielding calls from real estate agents who also think Domo Arigato Mr. Robots is the owner. Trouble is Mr. Robots isn't. And so he did what any man with the last name Robots would do in that situation: he Asked Metafilter.
That's what Metafilter's internerds are currently trying to decide. Not that the Third Ave. frathole is lacking for competition: other popular candidates include Mars Bar—"they have always been cleaning up after a fight any time I've been in there" and "most of the staff and clientele resembel [sic] Johnny Thunders as well, including the women"— and "anywhere in TriBeca." We were pleased to see two bars we've worked at on the list, but where are the other two? And have the Metafilterers glaringly omitted any other rank-smelling, overpriced get-drunkeries? We hope you'll help fill in the blanks.
The Worst Bars In New York [MF]
"As long as I've had my culele, I've wondered what 'normal' is," asked a lady nicknamed Ambrosia Voyeur on Ask Metafilter, back on December 1st. Three months later, the debate and descriptions rage on. "9 volt battery" is popular; other contenders include "aluminum foil," "sweet flower," "metallic tuna," "cumin," "sea salt and vineagar potato chips" and "agave cactus with a hint of pear." All questions of vadgeflavor aside, one thing is clear: We just fell back in love with the internet again in our mouth a little.
So Google counts over 23 billion pages on the Internet — who cares? Nothing's really online until it's been "Dugg," "Farked," and "Boing Boinged." And when your new quirky blog post ("Meta-Katamari George Bush MacBook Pro Naked") gets passed around the memepool, it'll be surrounded by John Battelle's ads.
The internet is made up primarily of smart people who waste a lot of time. Some of those smart people have a lot of helpful hints over at MetaFilter for the less smart ones looking to waste time too without the bosses finding out. This is required reading for those of you who feed us our memos and leaks. Here's a sampler:
Choice quotes from the masses at Metafilter:
· "If [the Puma ad] is actionable, then I expect IKEA to start suing over all the cheap beds used in pr0n."
· "Ehhhhh, Puma can blow me."
· "If I were head of Puma's marketing, I'd be estatic. When was the last time Puma even entered your thought process?"
Leggo my logo [MeFi]
Michael Musto introduces the newest club craze: booty bumping and disco dumping. According to Musto, "booty bumping has the jaded set getting drugs blown up their butts through a straw, while disco dumping has wasted, often booty-bumped queens making a poopy in their pants, usually trying to flush their dirty underwear later (which explains why club toilets are so often stopped up)." All the kids are doing it!
La Dolce Musto [Village Voice]
Booty bumping and disco dumping thread [MeFi]
Some jokes, mainly recycled, about Gawker. A bit of context: Metafilter is a weblog community, which hates everything Gawker stands for. And I do hope they can pinpoint what Gawker stands for, because we haven't quite defined that yet. I'm sure I've heard this one before, but it still made me chuckle:
Q. How many Gawker readers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A. Two. One to mix martinis while the other calls the electrician.
There are more, of amusement to web insiders, at Metafilter, but I'll leave you with this.