Points for accuracy; Donkey Kong cannot hold a candle to Sonic's speed. Follow a race that spans across the backdrops of your favorite side scrollers of yesteryear! You'll never guess who wins.
Bosses like Gannon, Bowser, and Dr. Wily are always defeated by one stupid guy. This is obviously a failure in their defense system. All their minions have to do is keep him from going right. Is that so hard!?
Times blogger Chris Suellentrop announces in Slate that he really, really, really likes Super Mario Brothers: The Lost Levels. That's the game that was the "real" sequel to the classic Super Mario Brothers that was never released in the US because it was sadistically difficult and instead we got the weird bullshit American Mario 2 where everyone knew to play as Princess Toadstool even though it was def kinda gay. But the lost levels bring Suellentrop to nerdy video game ecstasy! He compares it to Citizen Kane! The dude who designed the game is, in fact, a wrathful god!