Super Bowl-Bound Seahawk Richard Sherman Wins Taunting Championship

Tom Scocca · 01/19/14 10:19PM

The Seattle Seahawks are going to the Super Bowl, after cornerback Richard Sherman ended the San Francisco 49ers final drive by leaping and tipping a pass for teammate Malcolm Smith to intercept in the end zone. Nobody was more impressed by Sherman's performance than Richard Sherman, as he demonstrated in his cruelly enthusiastic postgame interview.

Please, Walk Down the Escalator

Hamilton Nolan · 05/16/13 11:54AM

Let's just say for argument's sake that you enter a New York City subway station and step onto an escalator that's headed down towards the train tracks. At that moment, you must choose one of two clear courses of action: walk down the escalator, or stand still. Put more precisely, you can either walk down the escalator, or you deserve to be pushed down the escalator.

Manners Down South: Killed by Anecdotes

Hamilton Nolan · 11/02/11 09:26AM

Everyone knows that people in America's Northeast, Northwest, and Southwest regions are sociopaths with no regard for others. We don't even need to mention that widely accepted fact. Everyone also knows that the final haven of "manners" here in our nation of animals is the Southeast region, where people still say "Yes ma'am" and shit like that, no matter how corny it sounds, because they love Jesus—and manners.

Parents Now Incapable of Teaching Kids Basic Human Interaction

Hamilton Nolan · 11/01/11 09:19AM

Kids these days: are they monsters who grew up on Mars and you shouldn't even bother trying to communicate with them, because they're monsters from Mars? As their parent, you know the answer to this is "Yes sir." That's why you are "outsourcing" the teaching of basic social skills to your own children. Who has the time?

Bird-Flipping Causes Car Crash

Seth Abramovitch · 08/22/11 10:51PM

A Tacoma woman crashed her car on Monday, all because she lost control of it after giving a passing motorist the finger.

Fake Trend: People Are Ruder These Days

Hamilton Nolan · 08/09/11 10:44AM

Doesn't it seem like people are rude these days? It's totally not your imagination. Nor is it a simple garden-variety example of the human tendency to fallaciously generalize our own mundane experiences out onto the world at large. Not at all. It's a completely true trend, according to an official-sounding survey thing!

The Nine Types of Text Messaging Monsters

Brian Moylan · 04/27/10 03:28PM

Text messaging is one of the greatest advances in communication since, well, the telephone and email. That said, it's still a fledgling medium and some people need to learn how to use it without being a total jackass.