Department Stores Must Die Faster

Hamilton Nolan · 04/25/16 08:12AM

What of the humble “department store,” a physical space in which humans used to peruse goods that they now purchase on Amazon? According to one new analysis, the only way for department stores to live is to die faster.

Rich Juzwiak · 02/18/14 12:21PM

Here are more shots from inside the dead White Flint Mall. Muzak still plays where the people no longer do.

I Can't Stop Looking at This Dead Mall's Abandoned Food Court

Rich Juzwiak · 02/13/14 01:10PM

Malls that were once active but have since been abandoned ("dead malls") are fascinating relics of greed, consumerism, and our increasingly antiquated analog way of life that required actual motion through space to get the material possessions we don't need, per se, but covet. They're also creepy and kind of sad, if you think about the unrealized dreams of the people to tried to sell you that shit you didn't need. Dead malls are sweeping the nation in that agonizingly slow manner that dead things sweep.

What Brings You to the Mall?

Hamilton Nolan · 02/11/14 04:55PM

Many people do not go to the mall any more. But some people still go to the mall. And most people at least used to go to the mall. What is the number one store that draws you—or drew you—to the mall? Think. This is important.

Gunmen Escape After a Terrifying, 'Ugly' Hostage Situation at Los Angeles Mall (UPDATE: Stabbing, Sexual Assault Confirmed)

Max Read · 01/11/13 08:08AM

Two gunmen who took 14 hostages at a Los Angeles mall last night have apparently escaped after an overnight standoff that involved the LAPD SWAT team locking down the mall and holding around 200 moviegoers in theaters until nearly 3 a.m. All 14 employees who were trapped in the Nordstrom Rack where the hostage situation unfolded have been found safe; KTLA reports that the LAPD is saying the suspects are still at large.

Louisiana Mall Evacuated After 200 Person Flash Mob Goes Wrong, Turns Into Giant Brawl

Taylor Berman · 01/06/13 04:36PM

The Mall of Louisiana is described on its website as a source of "Exciting shopping, dining and entertainment in Baton Rouge." On Saturday night, that description seemed especially apt after a massive, 200 person flash mob in the mall turned into a giant brawl. According to reports, the fight broke out in the mall's food court, where roughly 200 teenagers had congregated for the "social media" inspired flash mob

Dead Malls Will Soon Be Really Depressing Restaurants

Hamilton Nolan · 09/19/12 01:25PM

The American mall is dying, and dying, and, let me check... yep, still dying. Not just big huge malls, but big-box stores, and strip malls, and everything else that consists of chain stores shaped like boxes, made out of plastic, selling crap. America, in other words. Now our national landscape is littered with the only thing worse than big box stores: empty big box stores. Hey, ho, is there any solution?

Foolish Malls Think They Can Survive Somehow

Hamilton Nolan · 07/18/12 10:12AM

Most humans possessing a first-grade education—including precocious preschoolers—are well aware that shopping malls, once a glassy symbol of American cultural homogeny, are as dead as MusicLand. Dead-dead. And those that are not dead are dying. And the ones that already died are coming back as anything but malls. Because malls are, you know, pretty much dead. EXCEPT for those brave malls being dragged into the future—in a quirky way, if necessary.

What Happens When Mall Cops Try to Do Counterterrorism

Adrian Chen · 09/07/11 12:37PM

Mall security is the worst, always kicking you out of the food court for not buying anything, then filing a suspicious activity report with the FBI. Private security officers have been trying to do counterterrorism at the Mall of America, with predictable results.

Garish Unwanted Monstrosity Would Like Public Financing

Hamilton Nolan · 08/22/11 08:30AM

"Xanadu" was the original name of a plan dreamed up by Satan to blight the earth, in the form of an outrageously large, atrociously garish, criminally expensive, and blatantly unwanted shopping mall in New Jersey, Satan's earthly dominion. It costs nearly $4 billion! It's been in the process of being built for eight years! And it's still not finished, because nobody wants it! So... why don't you pay for it?