Yeah, If It Wasn't For The Acting Thing, I'd Be A Modern Day Woody Guthrie

Douglas Reinhardt · 08/18/08 11:00AM

Looking to recover from his recent split with actress Isabel Lucas, Adrian Grenier headed to the beaches of Malibu with his trusty acoustic guitar. A gaggle of women quickly circled around the hunky environmentalist as he began to bear his soul with some recently penned tunes. One woman was really impressed by the songs and suggested that he pursue his music for awhile. Grenier told the woman that he had weighed his options numerous times and is "thisclose" to hanging it all up and just riding the rails with a song in his heart. The woman replied, "That's so deep."

Today Was A Bad Day To Go Jogging

Douglas Reinhardt · 07/08/08 12:15PM

Jeremy Piven most certainly felt the burn while jogging in Malibu on Monday afternoon. The Smokin' Aces star reportedly began to cramp up somewhere between mile two and three and attempted to walk it off. Piven slowly walked down the street, hoping that a car full of co-eds from near by Pepperdine University would come by and offer a ride back to his place. Alas, they never did, and Piven was forced to walk hands-on-hips all the way back to his place.

Everybody Loves Boogie Boardin'

Douglas Reinhardt · 07/07/08 12:00PM

Like every other celebrity, Everybody Loves Raymond star Ray Romano spent his Fourth of July weekend in Malibu, California. However, the TV funny man decided to catch some sweet waves instead of partying. Romano felt it'd be more beneficial to his overall well-being to go into the ocean as opposed to having to make small talk with Nicole Richie at a beach party.

Hey, That's Great, Lance. Say, You Haven't Seen My Flip Flops, Have You?

Douglas Reinhardt · 07/03/08 11:30AM

Long time BFFs Lance Armstrong and Matthew McConaughey reunited on Wednesday afternoon for a run in MQLIGU. Armstrong lovingly gushed about his relationship with Kate Hudson for a majority of their jog. McConaughey was surprised to hear that Armstrong had already met Hudson's mother. McConaughey has yet to met Goldie Hawn after doing two films with Hudson. Armstrong asked his good buddy for some advice on how to handle things with Hudson, but McConaughey quickly changed the subject. McConaughey wanted to know if Armstrong had seen his flip flops. McConaughey has felt his entire vibe has been completely out of sync ever since he lost his favorite pair of sandals.

Surfing Matt McConaughey Fans in Paparazzi Beat-Down

ian spiegelman · 06/22/08 03:43PM

Some of the lovely paparazzi from TMZ and X17 were on the beach in Malibu Saturday, trying to get shots of a shirtless Matthew McConaughey, when a group of civic-minded surf dudes took a break from the tasty waves to kick some ass. "The 29-year-old photojournalist told sheriff's deputies that a large group of surfers near Paradise Cove in Malibu approached him and other paparazzi about 2 p.m. and demanded they stop taking pictures and filming. 'They formed a semicircle in front of his camera and they said he [McConaughey] didn't want him to film,' said Los Angeles County Sheriff's Department spokesman Steve Whitmore. 'They got into an argument, and he indicated that he received injuries. . . . [They] took the video camera and threw it in the water.'" Awesome surfer quotes and video link after the jump.

I Wonder Whose Fault It Is That Gas Prices Are So High?

Douglas Reinhardt · 04/15/08 03:35PM

Actor/King of Malibu Mel Gibson expressed his dismay with escalating gas prices while filling up in the 'Bu yesterday afternoon. Gibson asked the gentleman at the pump across from him if he knew why the prices are so high and the man blurted out, "Cause Bush is a dick." Gibson shook his head and muttered, "No, that can't be it."

Val Kilmer Prepares for the Malibu Fun Run

Douglas Reinhardt · 03/04/08 04:20PM

Why are you on the run, Iceman? Was your impromptu concert at the Malibu Starbucks interrupted by yawns, highflying Caramel Macchiatos and Gary Busey insisting that he should join in with a ham bone solo and a spiritual chant?

Hey, Where Did All Our Soaps Go During This Wildfire Stuff?

mark · 10/23/07 04:09PM

You know what's like, totally boring? All this snoresville wildfire talk on the TV! Burning this, property loss that...if you've seen one smoldering Malibu mansion, you've seen them all. And where have momma's damn stories gone? Mercifully, the crew at KABC 7 broke in a little while ago to let us know where we can turn to get the soap fix that will help housebound viewers like us through this difficult time. While we're waiting for Pat Robertson's prayers to finally extinguish the flames God has sent down from above, we need our General Hospital time more than ever.

The Governator Vs. The Wildfires

mark · 10/22/07 02:58PM

We've long been skeptical about our Governor's ability to inspire his fellow Californians during a time in crisis, but following his Malibu address of earlier today, we're utterly confident that he's ready to rise to the challenge placed before him.

The 11 Rehabs Of Malibu That You Shouldn't Check Into

Choire · 10/09/07 02:40PM

Renaissance! Promises! Passages! Harmony Place and The Canyon! Malibu, just up the road from the rotting stench that is Hollywood, is a haven of insanely-priced and stupidly-named rehabs. But they don't just not work for Britney Spears and Lindsay Lohan—they also don't seem to work for normal people, and they also cost twice as much as, say, Betty Ford.

Malibu Multimillionaires Facing the Classy Problems Of Supergentrification

mark · 04/02/07 05:43PM

With the recent plagues of fire and ice sent down by annoyed local landowner God utterly failing to dislodge beach-hogging Malibu squatter David Geffen from his oceanside compound (His view was totally fucking ruined by Geffen's place), residents of the sleepy community now find themselves helpless against the whims of the mogul and the ten-figured pals who seek to slowly annex the entirety of The 'Bu. Yesterday's NY Times discussed Geffen and "software giant" Larry Ellison's acquisitions of the Casa Malibu Inn and Malibu Beach Inn, respectively, which they plan on transforming into the kind of places in which the merely wealthy might feel uncomfortable:

David Geffen Granted Ten Foot Buffer Between Compound And Unwashed, Beachgoing Masses

mark · 02/15/07 12:27PM

Huzzah! The 24-year-long power struggle between Carbon Beach-hogging Malibu megamogul David Geffen and the unwashed masses dedicated to ensuring easy public access to the stretch of luxurious sand behind his compound is finally over! As you can clearly see from the helpful LAT graphic (floating head our value-add) illustrating the settlement reached yesterday between Geffen, the California Coastal Commission, and the public advocacy group People Against Billionaire Beach Hijackers, the DreamWorks partner agreed to open a 42-foot section of the sand he's previously closed off in exchange for being granted a ten-foot plebe-buffer that should help reduce the noisome odor of off-brand cocoa butter that often wafts from the baking flesh of commoners and onto to Geffen's deck, ruining many an oceanside meal. According to the Times, Geffen's attorney is heralding the detente as a "new era of understanding," one in which his client's formerly trigger-happy snipers will first fire a warning shot before gunning down tourists who wander uncomfortably close to their master's property line.

Holy Fucking Shit! Snow In The 'Bu!

mark · 01/18/07 01:35PM

Less than 10 days after Heaven's Executive Producer beset the sleepy beachside town of Malibu with a conflagration that consumed the homes of our most cherished, late-70s sitcom ditzes, He once again expressed his displeasure with the community by blanketing it with a suffocating layer of frozen precipitation. Above: Upon experiencing the "snow" previously experienced only on Rockefeller Center Christmas specials or brief ski excursions to Mammoth, confused MILFs pull their Lexus SUVs to the side of the road to allow their children some unscheduled playtime with the foreign substance, willfully ignoring that the unexpected snowfall is a clear indication that God will soon initiate the long-awaited tectonic shift that will send Malibu sliding into the Pacific, probably while its shifting coast is pelted by a hail of flaming frogs.

Things Famous People Lost In The Malibu Fire

mark · 01/09/07 01:49PM

TMZ quickly corrected a brief e-mail blast mix-up about the identity of the actress who lost a home in last night's Malibu fire, but the tragic conflagration did seem to have an evil sentience that targeted fellow performers who reached the height of their popularity in the late 70s and early 80s, claiming the oceanfront house of Three's Company star and Thighmaster mogul Suzanne Somers, and singeing the property of Dallas' Victoria Principal. In the interest of maintaining the kind of admirable positivity displayed by Somers in the wake of her property loss, we note that as of the time of this post, the nefarious blaze seems to have not affected any of the original cast of Charlie's Angels, a fact in which fans of the biggest TV hits of decades past can take some comfort.

Pollution Investigators To Get All Up In Malibu Residents' Shit

mark · 10/04/06 04:47PM

For far too long, the government looked the other way as Malibu's most celebrated citizens squatted upon their 24-carat gilded commodes and flushed away their perfect, odorless bowel movements into potentially environmentally unsafe septic tanks, the toxic runoff from which may be tainting the glorious, placid ocean their beachside compounds overlook. Now, however, this unacceptably laissez faire attitude towards celebrity excretions is coming to an end, as environmental regulators will try and determine the source of local ocean pollution:

Taking Back Carbon Beach, Part II: The Plebes Arrive To Gawk

mark · 08/15/05 03:59PM

A reader demonstrates what might have been land-hogging mogul David Geffen's greatest fear upon being compelled to finally surrender access to the public beach behind his Malibu compound: po' folk—he's a billionaire, remember, so this includes anyone from the help to Jennifer Aniston—wandering onto the high-quality sand to gape at the shady bidness he's conducting out of his oceanside Gay Mafia Xanadu:

Taking Back Carbon Beach

mark · 08/01/05 11:29AM

Peggy Archer of the Totally Unauthorized blog took full advantage of the public's court-ordered right to cavort on the stretch of Carbon Beach that was once walled off from the unwashed masses by Malibu feudal lord David Geffen. Braving the gauntlet of pit bulls trained to attack beachgoers who don't smell like hundred-dollar bills, the fifty-yard run through tires filled with broken glass, and, of course, the tazer-happy Gay Mafia security detail given a mandate to shock the genitals of anyone who casts as much as a sidelong glance at Geffen's stronghold, turns out to be worth the trouble: