This could have been bad: According to an excerpt from Deep State: Inside the Government Secrecy Industry by Marc Ambinder and D.B. Grady, a Secret Service agent accidentally discharged his shotgun outside New York's InterContinental Hotel in fall 2006, nearly shooting Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad in the process. The incident took place during the United Nations General Assembly and was described in a brief item in one of President George W. Bush's daily intelligence briefs.
Following a recent segment on Piers Morgan where President Ahmadinejad—leader of the not-so-free world—basically said that Israel should be "wiped off the map" and homosexuality is The Most Disgusting Thing Ever, SNL's Fred Armisen made an appearance as Fake Mahmoud Ahmadinejad last night. Let's be honest though, no one would be shocked to learn that Ahmadinejad actually plays "Jew or Homosexual" for money. Except instead of money they use nuclear weapons.
You know how you know you're probably a miserable, murderous, Middle East tyrant? When Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad calls you up and says, "Bashie? Mahmoud here. Oh, good, good. Azam and the kids are terrific! Thanks for asking. Listen, Bash, I absolutely adore your work. You know that. Great stuff. There's no one who can brutally put down an uprising like you can. Oh, stop, you flatter me. That? That was barely an uprising! That was, like, two undergrads with a Tweeter machine and a little tear gas. No, but you. You're the man. You can't see this, but I'm high-fiving you right now! Ha ha ha! No, but listen hear me out for a second here. Maybe you should think about turning down the dial a bit on this whole 'mass-murdering of your own people' thing? What? No! Not too much! Never too much. But you know how the Westerners are. They're all 'barbaric' this, 'unarmed protesters mowed down with gunboats' that. Oh crap! I'm late for my two o'clock gay hanging. Can we pick this up tomorrow? You got it. Send my love to Asma. Saw the Vogue spread. Fabulous."
Iranian government officials are loving the riots in Britain. In a flurry of statements over the last couple of days, lawmakers have attacked the police response and said they'd like to send human rights observers to London to keep an eye on events there. Iran's Majlis are even thinking about closing the British embassy in Tehran.
Vertically-challenged Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad either has some pretty bad luck when it comes to being near oddly-timed explosions, or someone doesn't like him. Last August, someone
tossed a grenade set off celebratory fireworks next to Ahmadinejad's motorcade. And today, at the inauguration of an oil refinery, an explosion killed two people right before Ahmadinejad was to give a speech. State-run media says it's no big deal. And, it turns out, someone should have listened to the damn Germans:
Why has Iran suffered through so many droughts over the last few years? Many people would say "weather patterns, or whatever." But Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad knows the truth! "Western countries have designed plans to cause drought in certain areas of the world," he said in a speech in the Iranian city of Arak. And not only that! "European countries are using special equipment to force clouds to dump" rain on their own countries.
Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad was called the "George Steinbrenner of Iran" in a leaked 2009 U.S. diplomatic cable made public by Wikileaks, after he fired two soccer coaches from Team Melli weeks apart from each other. Ahmadinejad also kept secret files on the team's players, similar to when Steinbrenner payed a gambler to dig up dirt on Yankees outfielder Dave Winfield.