The Secret Service Almost Shot Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad in 2006

Taylor Berman · 03/20/13 10:21PM

This could have been bad: According to an excerpt from Deep State: Inside the Government Secrecy Industry by Marc Ambinder and D.B. Grady, a Secret Service agent accidentally discharged his shotgun outside New York's InterContinental Hotel in fall 2006, nearly shooting Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad in the process. The incident took place during the United Nations General Assembly and was described in a brief item in one of President George W. Bush's daily intelligence briefs.

Fake Mahmoud Ahmadinejad Plays "Jew or Homosexual" on Weekend Update Thursday

Kate Bennert · 09/28/12 12:35PM

Following a recent segment on Piers Morgan where President Ahmadinejad—leader of the not-so-free world—basically said that Israel should be "wiped off the map" and homosexuality is The Most Disgusting Thing Ever, SNL's Fred Armisen made an appearance as Fake Mahmoud Ahmadinejad last night. Let's be honest though, no one would be shocked to learn that Ahmadinejad actually plays "Jew or Homosexual" for money. Except instead of money they use nuclear weapons.

President Ahmadinejad Asks Syrian Leader to Show Some Compassion

Seth Abramovitch · 09/09/11 12:08AM

You know how you know you're probably a miserable, murderous, Middle East tyrant? When Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad calls you up and says, "Bashie? Mahmoud here. Oh, good, good. Azam and the kids are terrific! Thanks for asking. Listen, Bash, I absolutely adore your work. You know that. Great stuff. There's no one who can brutally put down an uprising like you can. Oh, stop, you flatter me. That? That was barely an uprising! That was, like, two undergrads with a Tweeter machine and a little tear gas. No, but you. You're the man. You can't see this, but I'm high-fiving you right now! Ha ha ha! No, but listen hear me out for a second here. Maybe you should think about turning down the dial a bit on this whole 'mass-murdering of your own people' thing? What? No! Not too much! Never too much. But you know how the Westerners are. They're all 'barbaric' this, 'unarmed protesters mowed down with gunboats' that. Oh crap! I'm late for my two o'clock gay hanging. Can we pick this up tomorrow? You got it. Send my love to Asma. Saw the Vogue spread. Fabulous."

Mahmoud Ahmadinejad Attracts Another Mysterious Explosion

Jeff Neumann · 05/24/11 05:30AM

Vertically-challenged Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad either has some pretty bad luck when it comes to being near oddly-timed explosions, or someone doesn't like him. Last August, someone tossed a grenade set off celebratory fireworks next to Ahmadinejad's motorcade. And today, at the inauguration of an oil refinery, an explosion killed two people right before Ahmadinejad was to give a speech. State-run media says it's no big deal. And, it turns out, someone should have listened to the damn Germans:

Iran Accuses Europe of Stealing Its Rain

Max Read · 05/21/11 03:01PM

Why has Iran suffered through so many droughts over the last few years? Many people would say "weather patterns, or whatever." But Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad knows the truth! "Western countries have designed plans to cause drought in certain areas of the world," he said in a speech in the Iranian city of Arak. And not only that! "European countries are using special equipment to force clouds to dump" rain on their own countries.

Ahmadinejad 'Bewitched' by Magician Adviser

Jeff Neumann · 05/15/11 11:35PM

An influential former supporter of Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, Ayatollah Mohammad Taghi Mesbah Yazdi, told the Iranian magazine Shoma that the president has been acting "unnaturally" due to a spell that was cast by his main adviser, Esfandiar Rahim Mashaei.

Ahmadinejad's Advisers Jailed for Practicing Witchcraft

Seth Abramovitch · 05/05/11 09:17PM

An ongoing fight between Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad and supreme leader Ayatollah Khamenei has taken a turn for the weird, as several of the president's closest advisers have been arrested and charged with being "magicians" and invoking djinns, or spirits.