Americans Want Food That's "Natural," a Word That Means Nothing

Hamilton Nolan · 11/06/13 04:28PM

With the exception of the erosion of personal privacy and the growth of an ultra-powerful unaccountable economic elite over the course of several decades which we didn't notice because football was on, you can't put too much past Americans. Those Cocoa Puffs... are they natural? Don't try to fool us!

'New' 'Hipster' 'Trend' 'Discovered'

Hamilton Nolan · 10/31/11 09:01AM

The New York Post—the fascist barrel-scraping newspaper with its finger placed closest to the vibrant pulse of young, "hip" Brooklynites—has unearthed a new, hip trend, which is occurring among hipsters—in Brooklyn, of course. The hip, fashionmongering young people are diving into dumpsters to extract food, completely without care for the inherent wackiness of such a stunt, their eyes focused on only on nutrition—and hipness. Who ever heard of such a thing?

The War on Snark Rages On

Hamilton Nolan · 07/30/10 02:13PM

"I love funny writing, but I'm sick of snark," says Nick Catucci, the new editor of Christ, first The New Yorker, then Rolling Stone...soon this virtually meaningless catch-all phrase capable of describing anything will have no friends left! [NYO]

Kids Smoking Pipes Without Crack!

Hamilton Nolan · 02/20/09 12:16PM

"For me to have an iPhone in one hand and a pipe in the other is not unusual," says a 20-something at the vanguard of the crazy new trend, (reaching in grab bag) with pipes!

Your Life Is A Picture

Hamilton Nolan · 12/03/08 02:04PM

You know what's important these days? Appearances. Reality is something you're stuck with: you're ugly, out of shape, and none too charismatic. But appearances—now there's something you can do something about! That's why selecting the right online avatar to represent yourself on Facebook is now the single most important choice that you will make in your life, according to some people willing to be quoted spouting bullshit theories about any old thing:

Newspaper Feature, Like Story Of Jesus, Is Fiction

Hamilton Nolan · 03/31/08 12:41PM

On March 23, the St. Louis Post-Dispatch ran an uplifting story about "Virginia Gillis," who had lost her perfect life when her husband started using methamphetamines, burned down their house, and attacked her with a straight razor, cutting her throat "almost all the way through." After a stint of homelessness, she slowly rebuilt her life, and now works as a chef at a homeless program, feeding hundreds of people a week who are stuck in the position that she once was. The paper compares her story to the resurrection of Jesus Christ—this was an Easter-themed feature. But further investigation revealed that, like Jesus, Virginia Gillis' story had a bit of mythology in it. Such as: her name, her age, her location, her outstanding warrants, and everything else about her story! It might have been easier if they just told us what was true in the original, rather than false. The entire, and truly epic, editor's note from page one of yesterday's paper [via Romenesko], after the jump.