Exercise Machines Are For Cripples

Hamilton Nolan · 06/13/12 11:48AM

When you walk into a gym, or "gymnasium" as they're known on the streets, you'll find three distinct areas: a "cardio area," where boring people are doing things I don't even care about; a free weights area, where people are doing exercise; and a fitness machine area, where crippled people are doing physical rehab. "But hey," you exclaim stupidly, "I do the fitness machines, and I am not crippled!"

This Automated Pizza Vending Machine Has a Built-In TV

Maureen O'Connor · 10/05/11 04:26PM

Behold, the ne plus ultra of American innovation: Pizzametry, an automated machine capable of making custom pizzas in mere minutes, while you watch TV. Let us marvel at the pneumatic glory of Pizzametry spinning dough, slicing pepperonis, squirting sauce, and sprinkling cheese.

Japanese Engineers Enter First Robot Into Ironman Triathlon

Seth Abramovitch · 09/15/11 02:57AM

A robot will run, swim and cycle through one of the most grueling tests of fitness endurance — Hawaii's Ironman Triathlon. What kind of images does that conjure up in your mind? Perhaps Robocop in a Speedo, clanking down a tropical highway while downing a quart of Pennzoil? Well, don't get too excited. The robot is Evolta, he stands about two apples high, and kind of looks like Sonic the Hedgehog riding a tiny Segway.

Good Morning America Tests Out Awkward Exercise Equipment

Lauren Soroken · 03/16/11 02:10PM

GMA host Robin Roberts and fitness expert Becky Worley grade some of the latest infomercial exercise equipment (Zumba came out on top with an A-). Watch Roberts don her special shiny exercise leggings to try out the goods.

Machine Carves a Motorcycle Helmet Out of an Aluminum Block

Mike Byhoff · 03/15/10 12:52PM

Helmets are for safety, but they're also about making a statement. Surely, if you're riding around the city in this helmet carved by a machine out of a single giant block of aluminum, bystanders will overlook your teal Vespa.

The Google Armada Is Coming

Hamilton Nolan · 09/15/08 03:40PM

"Google may take its battle for global domination to the high seas with the launch of its own 'computer navy'," reads the day's most terrifying first sentence of a news story. Christ Jesus in holy Heaven, a computer navy? Is this the part when mankind finally goes up against the massive computer armies run amok? Don't worry: you have nothing to fear except a massive flotilla of untouchable Google supercomputers not accountable to any nation on earth: Google has filed a patent application for "water based data centres," which would be huge ships full of supercomputers floating seven miles offshore, using the motion of the ocean to power and cool themselves, nefariously: