Centenarian Says the Secret to Living a Long Life is Bacon

Neetzan Zimmerman · 05/08/13 08:30AM

After years of listening to centenarians rave about the wonders of Greek yogurt and steam rooms one little (really) old lady has finally conceded that life's only true fountain of youth is bacon.

The Secret to Long Life: Garlic, Onions, Rotten Eggs

Hamilton Nolan · 02/19/13 11:56AM

Want to live longer? Pathetic. Your slavish determination to cling to mortality at all costs marks you as a weak and sickening little character. Anyhow—have we got a long life secret for YOU! Stank breath.

Science Proves: Happy Kids Die Young

Hamilton Nolan · 03/01/11 05:16PM

Child fever! Nicotine gum! Obesity docs! Baby times! Optimistic death! Lying teenagers! Running job! Women smoking! And menthol vindication! It's your Tuesday Health Watch, where we watch your health—with a minimally acceptable level of competence!