Welcome to evening two of the Republican National Convention, where Ben Carson will be sewing Chris Christie’s head onto Mike Pence’s body and Tiffany Trump is allowed the rare opportunity to be seen with the rest of her family as she delivers her very first campaign speech. We’ll be coming to you live from Cleveland for prime time at the RNC.
Greetings from Conservative Political Action Conference, the nation’s premiere conservative meeting place for politicians hawking books and young Republicans looking to have a good time. What better place could there be from which to cover tonight’s GOP debate, live from Detroit? Ostensibly Detroit, but that’s a lot further away and frankly I doubt we’d get credentials anyway.
The Communist Party of the U.S.A. is holding a debate tonight, pitting new nemeses Hillary Clinton and Bernie Sanders against one another as handsome man Martin O’Malley just sort of stands there and watches. We’re “liveblogging” the whole painful thing with our friends at Jezebel right here so you don’t have to watch.
At 9 p.m., President Barack Hussein Obama will have his seventh and final chance to address the country about his Muslim roots in this year’s State of the Union address. Will the “non-traditional” speech consist entirely of interpretive dance? Is Kim Davis planning to streak? Will Obama reveal his Kenyan birth certificate for a final mic drop? And did Paul Ryan manage to get his shift covered at Hollister? We’re about to find out.
The first (real, non-consolation prize) GOP debate begins at 9 p.m. How long will Donald Trump last before security forcibly escorts him out? How many times will the angry white men utter the word “rape” for no apparent reason? How many groups of minority voters will be spectacularly and irrevocably alienated? And how much of the beautiful light inside of each and every one of us will die before the madness finally stops? We’ll be here (with special guest Glenn Greenwald), starting at 8:45 Eastern to find out.
Tonight, on television: the season finale of American Politics. After millions of years of campaigning, human president Barack Obama and liquid-metal terminator Mitt Romney will meet on the Sacred Plains for the mythical and deadly Dance of Swords, the traditional choosing ceremony for our people. Who will win their bloody game? Who will retain control the Senate? Will Chris Christie finally attract the attention of his crush Bruce Springsteen? Will top CNN analyst The Will.i.am Hologram seize return to prophesy the birth of a God-Emperor whose reign will surpass a thousand years? Crack election experts "the staff of Gawker.com" will be here to "live-blog" the results as those questions — and more! — are answered. Join us!
It's time for another presidential debate, but this one is different, because everyone will follow the rules and tell the truth. This is the foreign policy debate, which means we get to witness the Lucky Alien Sweepstakes, in which the two candidates' answers determine just which nation's people have won the right to be torched alive from airborne American hellfire. CROSS YOUR FINGERS, SYRIA.
For what seems like the second time in the last thirteen days, Barack Obama and Mitt Romney will stride on stage tonight and pretend, for a few moments, to not be sickened by one another's presence. Can Obama "recover" from his "poor performance" in the last debate? Can Romney convince "swing voters" that he is "more than a Mormon robot?" The estimable Mobutu Sese Seko and I will be live blogging this debate in order to, uh, help answer these questions, and to perform other vital unspecified pundit services.
The 2012 vice presidential debate begins at 9 p.m. How drunk will Joe Biden be? How drunk will we be? How many push-ups will Paul Ryan do? How many very direct analogies to pornography or guitar solos can an event like this inspire? Join us here for a liveblog with my esteemed colleague Drew Magary.
The first debate of the 2012 general election season—the one that will fundamentally alter the direction of this race even though both Mitt Romney and Barack Obama are terrible debaters who will lose to each other—is upon us. So settle in to your couch, open a beer, review your debate drinking game rules, and let Max Read and I "liveblog"—that's a dead technology from the days before Twitter—the action for you. Let the zingers fly! (No seriously you can watch the ball game and just check in here; we'll keep you updated.)
Greetings from the Democratic National Convention in horrible Charlotte, North Carolina, where your humble correspondents were just penned like dogs with a mass of humanity while waiting for fire marshals or some such to approve our entrance. Hamilton Nolan, myself, and SPECIAL GUEST AND GAWKER EMERITA Ana Marie Cox of the Guardian are here to liveblog this magical night for you. Let's begin.
How do you like the view from the cheap seats? We are sitting next to the gentleman from the Daily Caller, which ought to give you a sense of where Gawker sits in the Democratic Party hierarchy. Hamilton Nolan and I are here at the Time Warner Cable Arena, watching history (in the form of pro forma theatrics) happening before our eyes. It's raining outside, and a sad graveyard of discarded umbrellas (you can't bring them inside) sits outside the front entrance. Someone just said, "I'm Jewish, I'm gay, I'm a father, and I'm an entrepreneur." Let's liveblog!
It's been a long, hard Dancing with the Stars-free summer, but tonight, a dozen new celebrity contenders will sashay across the ballroom floor for the judges' score (and our votes) as Season 13 gets officially underway. So why not watch and comment along with everyone else right here in this post!