Kim Kardashian is getting divorced after only 72 days. That's only two and a half months. Apparently celebrities are especially susceptible to being married for very short periods of time. Here are some that were so short they make Kim's look long, and some that lasted a bit longer and make Kim's look short, sort of like when she'd stand next to her future ex, Kris Humphries.
Lauren Conrad, the former star of The Hills and the person to blame for introducing Heidi Montag to the world, turns 24 today. Michael C. Hall, the star of Showtime's Dexter, is turning 39. Outkast's Big Boi is 35. Lisa Marie Presley, the singer and spawn of Elvis, is turning 42. Princess Stéphanie of Monaco is 45. Pat Wilson of Weezer is turning 41. Poker champion Phil Ivey is 34. And Mr. Pauly Shore celebrates his 42nd birthday today.
• Despite several tabloid reports yesterday that Justin Timberlake and Jessica Biel had broken up, they were photographed holding hands on Monday in Santa Barbara. So what's going on? "Things have been rocky the last few months, but they're working it out," one source tells the Post. ("They've been spending more time apart... and they've been reevaluating their relationship," another tells People.) Oh, and what about those Rihanna rumors? JT and Ri Ri are apparently just working on a track together. [People, P6, NYDN]
• Another dubious rumors making the rounds: that Kate Hudson and Alex Rodriguez are expecting a baby. Hudson's rep is denying it. [NYDN]
• Madonna told David Letterman that she'd "rather get run over by a train" than remarry again. Poor Jesus doesn't have a prayer, it seems. [HP]
• Lauren Conrad has snagged a movie deal for L.A. Candy, her debut novel about a totally unfamiliar topic, "a 19-year-old who moves to Hollywood, quickly finds fame as a reality series star and then has to deal with the ramifications of living a fishbowl life." [Variety]
• Michael Jackson was laid to rest yesterday evening, exactly ten weeks after his death. Gladys Knight performed; Al Sharpton delivered a sermon; Lisa Marie Presley, Elizabeth Taylor, Chris Tucker, Macaulay Culkin and Mila Kunis put in appearances; and the Jackson siblings color-coordinated their outfits, per usual. [NYDN, People]
• Nike has wisely decided to put on hold the line of sneakers it had been planning to introduce in partnership with DJ AM. [TMZ]
• Pervy photographer Terry Richardson is settling down. He's reportedly getting ready to tie the knot with scenester Jen Brill. [TrendLand]
• Is French First Lady Carla Bruni-Sarkozy planning to appear in Woody Allen's next movie? "Nothing is signed yet," says her publicist. [WWD]
Publicist (and new mom) Lizzie Grubman turns 38 today. Dick Cheney turns 68. Christian Bale is 35. Gene Hackman is 79. Wilmer Valderrama turns 29. Vanessa Redgrave is 72. Phil Collins is turning 58. Theater impresarios Harold Prince and Bernard Gersten are 81 and 86, respectively. NHL star Chris Simon is 37. Singer/songwriter Josh Kelley is 29. Weekend birthdays—including that of Andre Balazs—after the jump.
♦ Not only did Jennifer Lopez and Marc Anthony renew their vows at 3:15 a.m. in Las Vegas on Sunday, they did it in a joint ceremony with Mets outfielder Carlos Beltran and his wife Jessica. [E!, People]
♦ Lindsay Lohan and Samantha Ronson tell friends they're planning on dressing up as Todd and Sarah Palin for Halloween. [NYDN]
♦ Jay-Z couldn't get any London clubs to pay his $50,000 appearance fee this weekend. [This London Blog via E!]
♦ Is Suri Cruise lonely and sad because has no friends her own age? [P6]
Elvis Presley's only known child, Lisa Marie Presley, gave birth to twin girls earlier this week. This isn't just any old celebrity baby news. It means that Elvis has finally been reincarnated. First of all, it's well-known that greatness skips a generation. Secondly, although Lisa Marie already has two kids from a previous marriage, those kids weren't twins. Why is that important? Do you even have to ask?
Newly pregnant Lisa Marie Presley is filing a lawsuit against our favorite celebrity body part attacking rag, The Daily Mail, after they reported their disapproval of just how much junk she's packing in her trunk these days. And while the Mail's use of "packing on the pounds" and "gained weight just like her father Elvis" isn't the nicest way to describe her, we've heard much worse over the years. From Val Kilmer ("Batman To Fatman!") to Kirstie Alley ("Too Fat For Sex!"), we rounded up some of the nastier cover stories and worst beach body analyses to put poor Lisa Marie's hormone-filled mind at ease.
And she's telling her MySpace friends all about it! From the singer and Elvis daughter's latest post, titled "confirmation under the gun," she rails against "the media" for wildly speculating about her expanding belly and forcing her to confirm her pregnancy before she was ready: "They couldn't wait to find out if my weight gain was because I was just overeating, in which case It would be open season and they can do the old 'following in her fathers sad and unfortunate demise' story again. Or, less interesting for them, and probably much to their dismay, I could just be pregnant and therefore have a legitimate reason for weight gain at which point they should probably wipe the saliva off of their fangs and put them back in their mouths or they may expose the black little souls that they are." Tell us more, girl!
A reader writes, "Lisa Marie Presley appeared on Howard Stern's show this morning. After he got through the vital Howard questions (yes, she had lesbian sex, once, when she was a teen, and she's still tempted but doesn't answer the tempt... yes, she does like sex in all the unusual places... no, she won't confirm whether there's anything odd about Michael Jackson's penis), he asks about reports of a Lisa Marie/Paris Hilton catfight. Lisa explains that she has a friend who likes to throw drinks on Paris. They were at a party and the friend said she'd just tossed an aperitif. Lisa Marie didn't believe her. Here came Paris, so the friend proved it by throwing a drink at Paris' back. The friend then ducked out of the way, leaving Lisa Marie there, looking guilty, though she says she wasn't. What an odd pastime: The Paris Hilton drinking game: Every time you see her, you throw a drink."