Clive Owen Needs an Alka-Seltzer

Tom Scocca · 08/25/14 12:07PM

Every time I drive on the New Jersey Turnpike I see one of these billboards, and every time I see one of these billboards I start getting a phantom headache. The crisp, compact jpeg here doesn't do justice to the image looming beside the highway: Clive Owen's pained gaze, caught between excesses of light and of shadow, as he shoves a lowball glass toward the viewer, like he's trying to ward something off with it.

Which Countries Take the Most Shots Per Week?

Kyle Chayka · 02/03/14 11:30PM

Russians might be stereotyped as alcoholics, but according to a recent study by Euromonitor, it's actually South Koreans who drink the most. In a metric worthy of Jersey Shore, the study found that Koreans consume around 14 shots of liquor a week while Russians pound just 6. Laaaame.

Shocking Ghost Video Shows Ghost Robbing Liquor Store

Ken Layne · 10/21/13 03:00PM

There's a lot of phony ghost videos out there, but this footage from multiple security cameras is perhaps the most shockingly real ghost ever seen. While the entity is clearly visible moving through the aisles and examining the alcoholic beverages offered by the store, the ghost did not actually take any liquor, because ghosts cannot really carry things.

Poison Liquor Kills Insane Number of People in India

Hamilton Nolan · 12/15/11 10:30AM

One hundred and forty three—can that possibly be right?—yes, one hundred and forty three people have died so far in one town in India from drinking a batch of bootleg liquor this week. Police say the liquor was spiked with methanol to "boost its kick." That has the side effect of killing you. The AP reports:

Bethenny Frankel's Cocktail May Give You Cancer

Brian Moylan · 09/02/11 11:51AM

Yuppie haven Whole Foods has yanked reality star Bethenny Frankel's $120 million concoction, the Skinnygirl Margarita, from the shelves because one of the ingredients might cause cancer. And now Bethenny is on the attack.

Captain Morgan's Pirate Ship Found

Lauri Apple · 08/07/11 09:29PM

A team of U.S. archeologists believe they've found parts of the long-lost pirate ship of Captain Henry Morgan—that's Admiral Sir Henry Morgan to you, scallawag—down in Panama, which is where I, for one, suspected it was located all along.

Alcohol Bottle-Smashing Epidemic Hits U.S.

Max Read · 03/03/11 12:48AM

There are so many reasons to have security cameras in liquor stores—for security, obviously, but, maybe more importantly, to capture those life-affirming moments when dozens of bottles fall to the floor and shatter in an indescribably satisfying way.

Hiding Liquor in Purse Now Fashionable

Hamilton Nolan · 12/27/10 12:21PM

The new must-have "ultimate accessory," for ladies: fruity booze, disguised as perfume. "Our point is not drink a lot to be glamorous - it's drink responsibly and in moderation and just be glamorous over all." Ohh, okay. [NYT]

Man Calls 911 for Ride to Liquor Store

Max Read · 08/04/10 09:54PM

If you're too drunk to drive, it's a good idea to call a friend for a ride. It's not a good idea to call 911. Three times. For a ride to the liquor store.

Justin Timberlake Directs Hilariously Bad Commercial

Hamilton Nolan · 07/28/10 11:36AM

Great human genius Justin Timberlake can do it all: dance, sing into an Autotune apparatus, and now, direct a commercial for his very own tequila brand. "I'm cool. I'm cool. I am cool," thought Justin, while directing the following commercial.

Rich Fat Baseball Players Steal America's Money and Food

Hamilton Nolan · 10/07/09 01:08PM

The Way We Live Now: Drunk, hungry, and resentful. Governments want liquor companies—but why not Jewish delis? Baseball teams pay lots of money to good baseball players, sure—why not to me? Is that fair? And where's my sandwich?

Mad Men Audience: Drunks

Hamilton Nolan · 10/15/08 04:21PM

Well now, we got our hands on a survey of people who watch Mad Men, the critically acclaimed show that consists of sex, sexism, cigarettes, booze, boozy sex, racism, and a bit of advertising. And guess what? The audience appears to be made up of off-the-charts alcoholics. Forty-seven times the normal rate of hard Irish Whiskey drinkers, for example. But there's one stunning twist in all this here data!

"Racy" Billboard Banned, Per Company's Strategy

Hamilton Nolan · 09/19/08 12:39PM

Cabana Cachaca is a Brazilian brand of liquor. Nobody knows or cares how it tastes, because everyone is too busy talking about its remarkable skill at barely cutting nipples out of its advertising photos. Or sometimes leaving nipples in! It's an incredibly trite marketing strategy, but it succeeds. Go figure. Except in Chicago, where one billboard has been deemed Too Hot For The Public: Before:

Nipples: Dependably Driving Web Traffic

Hamilton Nolan · 08/05/08 11:15AM

Posters for Cabana Cachaca, a brand of Brazilian rum that is determined to bully its way into the market through sheer advertising mass, are plastered all over Manhattan. But they're cropped so that the model is just barely free of nipple (a body part banned in the USA). But the posters direct you to the company's website where-in a keen display of digital marketing strategy-you can see the model's nipple (Copyranter made sure of it). I think they've hit on a solid online agenda here. Click through for the (NSFW) uncensored version of the ad. None of this contributes to high quality rum, as if you cared: