So long as Reese Witherspoon is suing AMI for Star magazine's story claiming that she's pregnant with her third child, she might as well have her educated pit bulls serve something similarly sweet for the rest of celebrity weekly gang. At left, Life&Style claims that loose top = fertile womb; at right, OK! points out Witherspoon's gut and politely calls it a pregnancy.
• Paris Hilton seems to have backed out on her promise to organize a benefit concert for an Australian charity that works with ill children. And since her failure, some of the children have died. Seriously. [Courier-Mail]
• And as if letting sick kids die weren't offensive enough, Paris also performs a hit-and-run for the paparazzi's benefit. [TMZ]
• Meredith Vieira decides to start wearing underwear for her new gig on the Today show, and so Matt Lauer can finally sleep at night. [Lowdown (2nd item)]
• Even dolphins want to fuck Jessica Alba. [Page Six]
• Kate Moss chugs Jager, publicly vomits, and returns to form within a matter of minutes. You knew she'd be a master of the boot-n-rally. [Mirror]
• Life & Style's new executive editor Mark Coleman receives a rare moment of redemption from Page Six. On Friday, they reported that Star EIC Joe Dolce blames Coleman for for the mag's famous cover gaffes; today, they see emails that prove otherwise. Poor Dolce — usually item-planting goes so smoothly. [Page Six]
• Today marks the 12th anniversary of the OJ Simpson murders. Celebrate with the cheating bitch you love. [R&M (last item)]
• Philly guys officially snag KR's Philly papers from McClatchy. [NYT]
• Al Siegel has left the Times Building. [NYO]
• Despite AMI noncompete, Star vet Mark Coleman to become deputy editor at Bauer's Life & Style, setting off various other staff moves too mundane for you to care much about. [NYP]
• Magazines want more readers, who are younger and richer. And some even got what they wanted. [WWD]
From deep within the jungles of New Jersey, a bit of totally unconfirmed chatter: We hear that Life & Style executive editor Joe Bargman may not last much longer. EIC Debra Birnbaum has reportedly assigned Chris Kensler, formerly of OK! and Celebrity Living, to "work with" Bargman. Interestingly, Kensler may also have the same title of executive editor.
• Does the one-two punch of Time 100 and the National Magazine Awards underscore the uselessness of the newsweeklies? Scocca says yes. [NYO]
• Yes, Barney Calame sucks. No, that doesn't mean the Times should scrap the public editor experiment. [Slate]
• What readers will want in a news website, circa 2016. Surprisingly not on the list: Life lessons from Bonnie Fuller. [WSJ]
• Three staffers, including co-executive editor Mark Coleman, leave Star for Life & Style. Uh-oh. [WWD]
• Writers like soap operas. [NYO]
• Best-selling crime writer Mary Higgins Clarke may have lifted her schlock from an Israeli writer's much-distributed screenplay. So, to review: James Frey is fake, JT Leroy is fake, and now your mom's favorite writer is fake. [Lowdown]
• Tom Cruise considers suing Life & Style for reporting that he had split with fiancée Katie Holmes. Uh, considers? The Tom Cruise we know would've served them with papers 2 days before the damn thing hit the stands. What's become of you, Tom? You're a shell of your former self. [IMDb]
• Teri Hatcher doesn't have a publicist, which means she sends nasty emails to Jeanette Walls. [Scoop]
• Brit actor Daniel Craig is reportedly well-endowed, which is probably the only qualification one needs to play James Bond. [Page Six]
• Vanity Fair columnist Michael Wolff bites the hand that entertains his boss. [Page Six]
• Spike Lee wags a righteous finger at 50 Cent for dressing his kid in a bulletproof vest. We don't see what the problem is — shouldn't Baby Cent know the warmth of Kevlar? [R&M]
Life & Style rocked our world today — rocked all our worlds — with some of the most shocking celeb news since the last time a sham Hollywood couple split up: Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes, the mag says, are splitting up. While we're all processing this information, it seems a good time to take a look back at some of Life & Style's recent greatest hits.
If it's true that Tom and Katie have in fact split — or that they're imminently set to do so, with plans to drag it out over a period for both PR reasons and gestation reasons — the question that remains for the a country of brokenhearted fans is, Who can we blame? One Gawker reader writes in with an excellent suggestion:
Only because we feel obligated to keep you abreast the important matters of national conversation, we'll relay the following: According to today's spanking-new issue of Life & Style, the inevitably sexy lovechild of Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie will be a girl. The information was accidentally revealed by Pitt's younger sister, who is now dead to them all.
Spencer Morgan — a gossip reporter around town who's worked on New York's Intelligencer and Rush & Molloy at the News, among other venues — published a delightful essay in Wednesday's Observer. "My New Year's Rez: How to Play Hooky and Not Get Fired," it was called, and it provided charmingly dastardly strategies for availing oneself of sick days when not actually sick. His suggestions, in brief:
• We're not sure what's more disturbing: Heidi Klum's poor little baby, or the fact that In Touch is an international publication. [The Superficial]
• Jon Fine eagerly waves his hand, screams, "Pick me! Pick me!" in an effort to get a screenwriting gig on the inevitable Judy Miller/Valerie Flame movie. [FineOnMedia]
• Manhattan is the most expensive place in the United States. Also, bear shits in woods. [CNN]
• High-profile media mogul seeks submissive gimp for office play fantasies. [Craigslist]
No! No! We refuse to believe this, and we wouldn't put it past anyone at Life & Style to get all crazy with the Photoshop. Hell, you can buy fake pregnancy bellies at any good costume shop. This is simply NOT REAL. What you are seeing is a fabrication, a satanic mirage, and we're only trying to warn you. DO NOT LOOK DIRECTLY AT THE LIFE & STYLE.