Crossfit is an exercise program with pluses and minuses. On the plus side, it really will get you in good shape. On the minus side, its adherents sometimes resemble intolerably intense cultists, and also, it turns out, it's run by extreme libertarians who enjoy sharing pro-capitalist philosophies, to go with your squats.
Yesterday the Ron Paul rEVOLution was thrown out in the gutter, alongside the storm-bathed protesters carrying 99% signs. Thanks to the RNC's backroom rules changes, the good doctor's delegates were not seated. Supporters' chants of "point of order!" from the convention floor failed to incite a floor fight. Their overwhelming "nay" vote on the rules changes went ignored by John Boehner (R-Leatherette), who gaveled the faint "ayes" into the record books.
Kentucky Senator Rand Paul (of the Paul Libertarian Blimp Empire) hates the TSA. It's his "signature issue" — his contentious questioning about the agency's aggressive security policies got him a lot of positive press among internet conservatives and libertarians last year. So must have been really excited, just, positively tumescent when TSA agents asked to pat him down this morning, and he refused. "Just got a call from @senrandpaul. He's currently being detained by TSA in Nashville," his communications director Moira Bagley Tweeted shortly after. The only thing is, though, Rand Paul was never actually "detained" by the TSA.
Someday, hundreds of years from now, your great-great-great-great-etc. grandchildren will approach the jar in which your brain is kept and whisper into the microphone, What was the internet like in 2011? And they will wait, in the cluttered and dusty back room where you live, so to speak, as the computer processes and converts your firing synapses, until the small printer on the shelf below you produces a slip of paper with two words: "libertarian dubstep." And your tiny blind descendants will run off back to work in the thorium mine before the robot foremen notice their absence, and you will be left alone again, wishing you could tell them more; wishing you could show them L.A. Weekly's interview with Porter Robinson, "the libertarian dubstep guy"; wishing you could explain to them what it meant; wishing you could say why millions of young white men across the country were forwarding each other Ron Paul YouTube videos and listening to Skrillex. And then you realize that you don't really know, yourself: you—what is left of you—have never really known; you are as mystified still, centuries later, as you were that day, hundreds of years in the past, when you first heard "The State."
PAUL BOUTIN — Silicon Valley Congressman Tom Lantos, who represents the part of the Valley just south of Nancy Pelosi's turf, sports "San Francisco values." His Wikipedia page says he "supports gay marriage rights and marijuana for medical use, is a strong proponent of gun control and is adamantly pro-choice." Cool, Tom, except we need to talk about the guns. After the jump, a primer on the Valley's fully-armed form of political correctness — libertarianism.