Starbucks Wants You Laptop Hobos Out

Hamilton Nolan · 08/03/11 12:36PM

Are coffee shops, of all fucking places, going to become the latest bastion of rudeness in our society, in which a fellow American who simply wants to purchase a cup of coffee and sit quietly, for nine hours, typing on a laptop, with papers and shit spread out all over the table as if this is his personal fucking office, is "not welcome?"

Why You Shouldn't Steal Computers From Nerds

Max Read · 03/23/11 12:37AM

Don't steal laptops! And if you do steal a laptop, don't use its built-in camera to record yourself dancing to "Make It Rain," the way the fellow dancing to "Make It Rain" in the video above did.

America's Most Oblivious at Grave Risk of Genital Burns

Hamilton Nolan · 10/04/10 02:10PM

Laptop burns! Pizza frequencies! Drug trial speed! Knife-throwing wonder! Drill-less cavities! Rabies alert! Minorities in science! It's your Monday Health Watch, where we watch your health—so single-mindedly we scarcely notice the hot item roasting our poor flesh!

Grad Student's Thesis, Dreams on Stolen Laptop

Max Read · 08/30/10 12:58AM

Grad student John Boldt had his laptop (which held his thesis) stolen. But he backed everything up, so no big deal, right? Well: His backup hard drive was stolen too, and now he may have to drop out.

Brazen Computer Heist Hits New York Times!

Hamilton Nolan · 01/20/10 11:50AM

How desperate are New York Times employees? A tipster tells us that a thief recently stole 27(!) laptop computers from the NYT's headquarters—and some think it may have been an inside job. The sordid details:

The Flaming Laptop Prank

Spencer Lund · 01/13/10 11:30AM

Pranks should have a modicum of wit behind them. This retaliation prank is more like wanton destruction, but it fits the original crime, as our videographer informs us in the opening, so we salute it.

Woman Conjures Man-Meat Directly from Online Dating Profile

Chris Mohney · 10/10/06 10:30AM

MTV is never short on idiotic ideas, and one of their newest offerings — a dating show where contestants are allowed to comb through each other's computers, so hott — looks typically harebrained. But they can't even get the viral video right. Sure, it has a promising start, with the potential for greasy laptop perv-sex, plus a little Videodrome thrown in. But the money shot isn't particularly funny, makes no sense in the context of the ad or the show, and frankly, proves that a large tongue can be plenty unsexy when improperly used.

Thank God, I was afraid he was pitching me a startup

ndouglas · 04/10/06 02:03PM

Okay, if you don't know the ending, this scene is the best-climaxed story ever. The setting: a cafe in San Fran's Mission District. The speaker: a finance manager who doing the sip-and-type thing on his laptop.